Why Dating Your Best Friend Makes a Relationship Stronger

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When Friendship Is Part of a Romantic Relationship

When your boyfriend is also your best friend, the relationship rests on more than attraction. You get honesty, shared jokes, easy conversation and the feeling of being on the same team. There is research behind the warm feeling, too: in a large study of British and international survey data, economists Shawn Grover and John Helliwell found that the life-satisfaction boost linked to marriage was roughly twice as large for people who described their spouse as their best friend.

Below are ten reasons friendship makes romance better, grouped by what they give you, plus a few honest caveats and simple ways to build more of that friendship into your own relationship.

What the research says about friendship and love

Grover and Helliwell's 2014 paper, published as a National Bureau of Economic Research working paper, followed people before and after marriage. Married people stayed more satisfied with life even after accounting for how happy they were beforehand, and the advantage helped soften the familiar mid-life dip in well-being. The striking detail was friendship: the benefit was about double for those whose partner was their closest friend.

Attachment researchers describe something similar in everyday terms. A secure partner works as a safe base, someone you can turn to when things go wrong and who cheers you on when you try something new. That is very close to what most of us mean by a best friend.

Trust and honesty

1. He tells you the truth, kindly

A friend-partner does not need to hide behind polite fibs. If an outfit, a plan or a job offer does not seem right, he will say so, gently and with your interests at heart. That kind of honesty takes time to build, but it means his compliments carry real weight.

2. He has your back

Good friends listen when you are upset, stay calm when you are angry and remind you of your goals when you lose sight of them. When your partner plays that role, you face setbacks with an ally rather than alone.

3. Your families are part of the picture

He knows your parents' names, your sister's sense of humour and which cousin always brings the same salad. Being comfortable with each other's families is a strong sign that the relationship has roots beyond the two of you.

Comfort and being yourself

4. You can relax in front of him

Early dating often involves careful outfits and best behaviour. With a best friend, you can wear old pyjamas, skip the make-up, laugh too loudly or make an unglamorous noise at dinner, and nothing changes. Feeling accepted as you really are is one of the quiet luxuries of a long relationship.

5. Character matters more than appearance

Attraction matters, but what keeps two people together over years is liking who the other person is: their values, kindness, curiosity and how they treat others. Friendship keeps that front and centre.

6. Intimacy is about more than sex

Physical closeness matters in a romantic relationship, but friend-partners also enjoy simply being together, talking late into the night, watching a film or sitting quietly in the same room. That broader closeness tends to make the physical side richer, not poorer.

Fun, humour and conversation

7. You actually enjoy the same things

Shared interests give you endless reasons to spend time together: concerts, hikes, board games, cooking or a TV series you can only watch with each other. You also learn to enjoy some of each other's hobbies, which widens both your worlds.

8. You never run out of things to talk about

Some couples struggle to have a real conversation beyond logistics. Friends can move easily from silly chat to serious topics, from politics to childhood memories, because they are genuinely curious about each other's thoughts.

9. You get each other's jokes

A shared sense of humour is underrated. Couples who laugh together often build a private language of references and running jokes, and humour helps defuse tension when disagreements come up.

10. Small, everyday gestures beat grand occasions

Valentine's Day and anniversaries can be lovely, but friend-couples rarely rely on them. A coffee brought to you on a hard morning or a gift for no reason at all often says more. Celebrate the big dates if you enjoy them; just do not let them carry the whole relationship.

A few honest caveats

He does not have to be your only friend. Expecting one person to meet every social and emotional need puts heavy pressure on a relationship. Friendships outside the couple, with your own confidants and interests, keep both of you healthier and bring fresh energy back home.

Friendship needs romance, too. A partnership that is all friendship and no flirtation or affection can start to feel like a flat-share. Most happy couples keep both alive.

Friendship is built, not found. Some couples start as friends; many others grow into friendship after falling for each other. Either route works.

Honesty is not cruelty. Being truthful never justifies belittling, controlling or frightening a partner. If a relationship leaves you feeling small or unsafe, that is not friendship, and it is worth talking to someone you trust or a support service.

How to build more friendship into your relationship

  • Stay curious. Ask open questions about his day, his worries and his plans, and listen to the answers.
  • Do something new together. A class, a trip or a shared project gives you fresh stories and inside jokes.
  • Notice the small bids for attention. When he shares a link or points out something out of the window, responding warmly builds connection over time.
  • Protect time to just hang out. Not every evening needs to be a date; some of the best ones are simply time together with no agenda.
  • Think of one activity you enjoy together that has nothing to do with romance, and ask yourself what makes it feel easy. That is the friendship worth protecting.

Sources: Grover & Helliwell, "How's Life at Home? New Evidence on Marriage and the Set Point for Happiness", NBER Working Paper 20794; Attachment in adults (Wikipedia).

For a lighthearted illustrated account of partnership and companionship, see Bonnie Pang's IT Guy & ART Girl Relationship Comics.

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