Originally published 2020-05-10.
Many of the things that stop us reaching a goal are not outside us at all. They are habits of mind: guilt that keeps replaying, grudges that drain energy, fear of what others think, and the steady pull to put things off until tomorrow. Below are twenty of these inner obstacles, grouped by where they come from, with a short, practical way to loosen each one.
Letting go is not about pretending problems do not exist. It means deciding which thoughts and habits still serve you and which are simply heavy to carry. A useful image is a kite: it can only rise if the line is held loosely enough to let the wind work.
Why inner obstacles matter so much
Your thoughts shape what you notice, how you feel and what you are willing to try. A person convinced they will fail tends to prepare less, give up sooner and read setbacks as proof. A person who sees a mistake as information tends to adjust and try again. Neither mindset guarantees a result, but one keeps more doors open.
The obstacles below are common and very human. Nobody clears all twenty for good. The aim is to recognise them when they show up and to have a next step ready.
Obstacles rooted in the past
1. Guilt that has outlived its purpose
Healthy guilt nudges us to apologise or repair harm. Once you have done what you can, continued guilt solves nothing; it only drains confidence. Ask: is there one concrete action left? If so, take it. If not, give yourself permission to move on.
2. Grudges
Holding on to resentment can feel like protection, but it keeps the hurt alive. The Mayo Clinic notes that forgiveness has been linked with less anxiety, stress and hostility, fewer symptoms of depression and lower blood pressure. Forgiving does not mean excusing what happened or reconciling with someone unsafe; it means choosing to stop letting that anger run your day.
3. Heartbreak
A painful breakup can leave a gap that seems to swallow everything else. Grief needs time and should not be rushed, but at some point it helps to begin a new chapter: new routines, time with friends, a project that is yours alone.
4. Bad memories
Painful memories cannot be deleted on command, and trying to suppress them often makes them louder. A better approach is to extract the lesson, then stop rehearsing the scene. If memories of a traumatic event keep intruding, talk to a doctor or a qualified therapist; effective help exists.
5. Living in the past
Old mistakes and missed chances can become a lens that colours every new decision. Treat the past as a teacher, not a judge: note what you learned, and then look at what is possible today.
Obstacles in the way you think
6. Negative thinking
A habit of expecting the worst filters out good news and makes every task look harder than it is. Try catching one negative prediction a day and asking what evidence supports it, and what a fair friend would say instead.
7. Compulsive or looping thoughts
Going over the same worry again and again, often called rumination, feels like problem-solving but rarely produces answers. Write the worry down, decide on one next step, and then deliberately shift attention to something absorbing.
8. Self-criticism
A harsh inner critic can freeze you: if every attempt will be judged, doing nothing feels safer. Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend who is learning. High standards and kindness are not opposites.
9. Anxious thoughts
Worry pulls energy away from the goal and toward imagined disasters. Breaking a task into small steps and focusing on the next one often eases the pressure. Anxiety that is constant or disabling deserves professional attention; talk to a doctor.
10. Limiting beliefs
Ideas such as "I'm not a numbers person" or "people like me don't do that" are often inherited rather than tested. Examine them. The line "Everything you can imagine is real" is often attributed to Pablo Picasso; whoever said it, imagination alone does not make things real, but it does show you options worth testing.
11. Prejudice
Fixed judgements about groups of people breed resentment and cut you off from allies, ideas and friendships. Meeting people as individuals is both fairer and more useful.
12. Taking things personally
Not every curt email or bad mood is about you. Reading every reaction as a verdict on your worth is exhausting and undermines initiative. Before reacting, consider at least two other explanations.
Obstacles in the way you relate to others
13. Needing approval
Wanting to be liked is normal. Needing permission for every choice is limiting, because others' opinions shift and rarely match your goals. Seek feedback from people whose judgement you trust, and decide for yourself.
14. The company you keep
The old proverb that a person is known by their companions holds some truth: the people around us shape our habits and moods. Spend more time with people who encourage you and less with those who belittle your efforts, while remembering that everyone has bad days.
15. Over-identifying with one role
If you see yourself only as "the reliable one", "the parent" or "the accountant", you may miss other abilities and interests. Roles are part of who you are, not the whole of it.
Obstacles in habits, time and things
16. Procrastination
Putting things off is rarely laziness. Research summarised by psychologist Piers Steel and others describes it as delaying something we intend to do, even though we expect to be worse off for it, often to dodge an unpleasant feeling. Procrastination has been linked with higher stress, poorer sleep and lower wellbeing. One well-tested tool is an "if-then" plan, a technique studied by psychologist Peter Gollwitzer: "If it is 9 a.m., then I open the report and write one paragraph."
17. Counterproductive habits
Endless scrolling, late nights and constant multitasking quietly eat the hours a goal needs. Change one habit at a time and make the better option easier, such as charging the phone outside the bedroom.
18. Slavery to the clock
Time matters, but a constant sense of rushing creates stress and crowds out deep work. Plan your priorities, protect some unscheduled time and treat the schedule as a tool rather than a master.
19. Clutter and things you no longer need
Possessions that no longer serve you take up space and attention. Japanese author Nagisa Tatsumi made this case in Suteru! Gijutsu (2000), published in English as The Art of Discarding in 2017; her publisher says the book inspired a young Marie Kondo. The same thinking can apply to commitments that no longer fit.
20. Attachment to possessions and status
Pride in things that are temporary can make every loss feel like a disaster. Buddhist teaching is often summed up as "attachment causes suffering"; more precisely, the Second Noble Truth names craving (taṇhā), along with clinging, as the origin of suffering. Gratitude for what you have, held lightly, is a gentler and steadier stance.
What letting go does not mean
- It is not just willpower. Money, health, discrimination and caring responsibilities are real barriers, not negative thoughts. Separate what is in your control from what needs help or wider change.
- It is not forgetting. You can remember what happened and still choose not to let it steer you.
- It is not doing it alone. Friends, mentors and professionals can speed things up. If low mood or anxiety persists, talk to a doctor.
- It is not all at once. Pick one obstacle from this list, choose one small action this week, and notice what changes.
Sources: Mayo Clinic: Forgiveness, letting go of grudges and bitterness; Wikipedia: Procrastination; Wikipedia: Implementation intention; Wikipedia: Four Noble Truths; Hachette UK: The Art of Discarding.
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