Anxiety has a way of translating ordinary sentences into threats. A boss asks for a quick word and you hear that you are about to be fired. A friend says "we should talk" and you brace for disaster. This set of nine illustrated pairs shows that gap: on top, what someone actually said; underneath, what a person with anxiety may hear.
The pairs were published by BuzzFeed in September 2015 in a post by Kirsten King and Charlotte Gomez, with illustrations credited to Charlotte Gomez. They are meant as gentle, recognisable humour, not as a clinical description. Below we go through each pair, then look at the thinking patterns behind them and at practical ways to talk with someone who lives with anxiety.
About these illustrations
Each pair shows the same two characters in the same pose, so the only thing that changes is the words. That simple design makes the point: nothing in the situation is different, only the interpretation. Not everyone with anxiety will recognise every pair, and anxiety feels different from person to person, but many readers will see at least one moment from their own week.
At work and in relationships
Some of the strongest reactions come from short, ambiguous phrases spoken by people who matter to us.
2. "Can I talk to you in my office?"
A manager asks for a quick word. What lands is "I am going to fire you and ruin your life." Vague invitations leave a gap, and an anxious mind fills that gap with the worst available explanation, often without any evidence at all.
3. "I'm fine."
A colleague says he is fine. The listener hears "I'm not fine and it's all your fault!" Taking responsibility for other people's moods is a pattern therapists call personalization: blaming yourself far beyond what you could actually control.
5. "We should talk."
Two people hold hands across a table. One says "We should talk," and the other hears the line also shown at the top of this article:"Get ready for the worst news you've ever heard in your entire life." Few phrases cause as much dread with so few words.
Phone calls, appearance and social plans
Everyday social life is full of small requests and comments that an anxious mind can read as rejection.
1. "Why don't you just call them?"
A friend suggests phoning someone instead of texting. The anxious ear hears a request as painful as having arm hairs pulled out one by one. Phone anxiety is extremely common: a call happens in real time, with no chance to plan a reply, and texting feels safer because you can edit before you send.
4. "Is that what you're wearing?"
A neutral, perhaps clumsy question about an outfit becomes "You look like a mountain troll in that." Of all the pairs, this is the one where the speaker could help most, simply by adding context such as "it's going to rain later".
8. "You can come if you want!"
An open invitation to the cinema turns into "I absolutely do not want you to come." The pair captures how hard it is for an anxious person to accept that an invitation is sincere, and why many people with social anxiety decline plans they would actually enjoy.
Fear, worry and feeling misunderstood
The last three pairs are about danger, about being labelled, and about having an experience brushed aside.
6. "Is the car making a noise?"
A passenger asks an ordinary question, and the driver hears that the car is about to explode. Jumping from a small sign to a disaster is catastrophizing, and it is especially common with health, money and safety worries.
7. "You worry too much."
A friend puts an arm round someone and says it kindly. What comes through is "You are an alien who can't interact like a human being." Even affectionate comments about anxiety can sound like a judgement about who a person is, rather than what they are going through.
9. "I saw a spider and almost had a panic attack!"
Someone uses "panic attack" casually about a spider. A person who has had real panic attacks hears that the speaker clearly has no idea what one feels like. A panic attack is a sudden surge of intense fear with strong physical symptoms, and casual use of the term can make it harder for people to be taken seriously.
The thinking traps behind the jokes
Psychologists have names for many of these patterns. The idea of "cognitive distortions" comes from the work of psychiatrist Aaron Beck and was popularised by David Burns in his 1980 book Feeling Good. Three of them appear again and again in the pairs above:
- Mind reading: assuming you know what someone is thinking, usually something negative, without asking.
- Catastrophizing: giving the worst possible outcome much more weight than it deserves, however unlikely it is.
- Personalization: blaming yourself for things that are largely outside your control.
Recognising a pattern does not switch it off, but naming it can create a little distance between the thought and the reaction. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), one of the most widely used treatments for anxiety, builds on exactly that skill.
How to talk to someone who has anxiety
The illustrations are not a list of forbidden phrases. People will still say "we should talk" or "can I see you in my office". Small changes can help, though:
- Give context up front: "Can I see you in my office? It's about next week's schedule, nothing bad."
- Be specific with invitations: "We'd really like you to come" is clearer than "come if you want".
- Avoid labels such as "you worry too much", and ask what would help instead.
- Use words like "panic attack" accurately, so people who have them are taken seriously.
- If a reaction seems out of proportion, stay calm and curious rather than defensive.
When worry needs more than a joke
Everyday worry is normal. The US National Institute of Mental Health describes anxiety disorders as anxiety that does not go away, appears in many situations and can get worse over time, to the point of interfering with work, school and relationships. NIMH estimates that about a third of US adolescents and adults will have an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.
If that sounds familiar, talk to a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist. Anxiety is treatable, and you do not have to wait until it becomes severe. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has a find-help page with a therapist directory and free online peer support communities.
Sources: BuzzFeed: What you say to someone with anxiety vs. what they hear (Kirsten King and Charlotte Gomez, 2015); Idealist Revolution; NIMH: Anxiety disorders; Wikipedia: Cognitive distortion; Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Find help.
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