Originally published 2018-08-06.
Britain and Australia share a language, a monarch and a love of cricket, but their wildlife could hardly be more different. In Britain, a "dangerous" encounter might mean an angry swan or a seagull stealing your chips. In Australia, it might mean a two-metre lizard on the wall or a python in the toilet.
The photos below pair a British scene with an Australian one on the same theme, and the contrast is very funny. It is also a little unfair. Each picture was chosen for maximum surprise, so the selection exaggerates both sides: most Australians go years without meeting anything truly dangerous, and Britain has a few surprises of its own. Along the way we have added what each animal actually is and how much of a risk it really poses.
The idea for the comparison comes from a BuzzFeed collection; the captions and context here are our own.
Spiders and snakes
Britain: one small spider, one big reaction
A Snapchat user named Abbz Taylor captioned this photo of a small, leggy spider on a wall "Someone save me". Britain has hundreds of spider species, and while a few can give a mild nip, none is considered dangerous to people.
Australia: a spider with hundreds of babies
A large, hairy spider, apparently a huntsman-type mother, sits on an electricity meter box beside her egg sac while dozens of spiderlings swarm around her. Huntsmen look alarming but are not regarded as dangerous. Australia's genuinely venomous spiders, such as the Sydney funnel-web, have caused no recorded deaths since an antivenom became available in 1981.
Britain: a grass snake on a survey mat
Ecologist Rob Harrison tweeted this find during reptile surveys for the River Thames Scheme, a flood-defence project. The thin brown snake under the survey sheet is a grass snake, which is harmless. Britain has only three native snakes, and just one of them, the adder, is venomous; there have been 14 known adder-bite deaths in Britain since 1876, the last in 1975.
Australia: a snake in a gorge, with a meal
A snake hangs down a layered red rock face above a pool, apparently holding prey. The striped cliffs look like the gorges of Western Australia's Pilbara region, though the exact spot was not given. Australia is the only continent where venomous snakes outnumber non-venomous ones, but most bites happen when people try to catch or kill a snake, so the usual advice is to back away and leave it alone.
Lizards and visitors in the street
Britain: a lizard the size of a finger
A child's hand rests on an old wooden fence rail beside a tiny brown lizard, probably a common lizard, Britain's most widespread reptile. It would fit easily in that palm.
Australia: a goanna climbing the house
A lace monitor clings to a brick wall beside a window. Lace monitors are Australia's second-largest lizard, reaching about two metres and 14 kilograms, and they are excellent climbers. They raid chicken coops and rubbish bins, and although a bite can cause painful swelling, it is not considered life-threatening.
Britain: swans that rule the road
A news headline reports that "aggressive mating swans" have attacked cyclists, motorists, pensioners, children and the postman, with locals fending them off using water pistols. Mute swans are fiercely protective in breeding season and can deliver a hard blow with their wings, so giving them space in spring is sensible.
Australia: a crocodile in the floodwater
A meme labelled "Welcome to Australia, where crocodiles swim in your street" shows a crocodile resting at the edge of a flooded park. In tropical northern Australia, flooding can carry saltwater crocodiles into towns. The saltwater crocodile is the largest living crocodile, over seven metres in exceptional cases, and it can kill people, so floodwater in croc country is best avoided.
Animals behaving badly
Britain: goats making headlines
A North Devon Journal news board announces "Raging Billy Goats Cause Mischief". The area is home to feral goats, and the herd in the Valley of Rocks near Lynton is known for straying into gardens and town streets.
Australia: a cassowary versus a shield
A man braces behind a wooden board as a cassowary leaps at it, feet first. This widely shared photo has no reliable caption, but it shows why the birds have such a reputation. Cassowaries live in the rainforests of far north Queensland, and their powerful kick and long inner toe claw mean they should never be approached or fed.
Britain: the cat and the fly
A Twitter user reports that her cat has just killed a fly and then started eating it. The cat looks extremely pleased with itself. This is about as violent as animal life gets in most British homes.
Australia: a python and a bat
A carpet python lies on a road coiled around a flying fox, a large fruit bat, which it has caught and killed. Pythons are not venomous; they kill by constriction. Flying foxes are a natural part of their diet, and the scene, though grim, is ordinary nature in eastern Australia.
Warning signs and close encounters
Britain: ducks crossing
A red triangular road sign shows a duck, with a plate warning that the hazard continues for 210 yards. It is a common sight near ponds and parks in Britain.
Australia: marine stingers
A yellow sign shows a swimmer tangled in jellyfish tentacles and warns that marine stingers are present in summer. In tropical Queensland, box jellyfish and the tiny Irukandji jellyfish make swimming risky in the warmer months, which is why patrolled beaches put up stinger nets and stock vinegar for first aid.
Britain: the squirrel that bit back
A December 2015 Metro headline reports that a squirrel "went berserk", putting a couple in hospital and biting eight others. Grey squirrels are not normally aggressive, but one that has been hand-fed may lose its fear of people and react badly.
Australia: punching a kangaroo to save a dog
This video still shows Greig Tonkins, a zookeeper, punching a large male kangaroo in the face after it grabbed his dog, Max. The clip went viral in December 2016. Big male kangaroos can stand around two metres tall and kick hard, so this is not a tactic to copy; keeping dogs leashed in kangaroo areas is safer for everyone.
Cheeky thieves and unusual roadblocks
Britain: a seagull steals crisps
A Kent newspaper billboard announces "Margate cheeky seagull nabs crisps". Herring gulls in British seaside towns have learned that people mean food, and some will snatch chips and crisps straight out of hands.
Australia: a great white tries to steal a catch
A newspaper headline reports an Australian trawlerman punching a great white shark on the nose after it tried to take fish from his net; the headline quotes his expletive-laden reaction, so the image is blurred. Great whites are one of only three shark species, with bull and tiger sharks, that pose a significant risk to people in Australian waters.
Britain: an owl in the road
Thames Valley Police reported moving an owl that was sitting in the middle of a road in Bracknell, Berkshire. The officer's torch shows it calmly standing its ground, and police said it was responsive and uninjured.
Australia: a shark in the road
CNN shared this photo of a bull shark lying in a muddy puddle in Ayr, north Queensland, after Cyclone Debbie in March 2017. Floodwater from the Burdekin River had probably carried it inland; it could not be revived by the time emergency crews arrived.
On the golf course and out fishing
Britain: rabbits on the fairway
A Twitter user's photo shows a scattering of rabbits grazing on a green fairway. Rabbits are a common sight, and a common nuisance, on British golf courses.
Australia: a shark in the water hazard
A Sky News clip shows a fin cutting through a lake beside a golfer. This is Carbrook Golf Club, south-east of Brisbane, where bull sharks swept in by river floods between 1991 and 1996 lived in the lake for nearly 20 years. They were last seen in 2015, and the club adopted them as its mascot.
Britain: a modest catch
A young angler in a small red boat proudly holds out a fish not much longer than his hand. It is a cheerful snapshot of a day's fishing on a British estuary.
Australia: a very big catch
A huge shark lies across the deck of a fishing boat, hauled up by a cable. The image was shared without details of the species or location, and it is blurred because of the blood on deck.
Something in the toilet
Britain: a fly
A single fly sits on the inside of a gleaming white toilet bowl. Mildly annoying, easily flushed.
Australia: a python
A carpet python lies coiled inside a toilet bowl, filling it completely. Snakes do sometimes turn up in Australian bathrooms, usually after crawling in through drains or gaps in search of water or cool shelter. Carpet pythons are not venomous, but a licensed snake catcher is the best person to move one.
How dangerous is Australian wildlife, really?
The joke behind this collection is that Australia is trying to kill you. The reality is more reassuring. Australia does have many venomous snakes, large crocodiles, sharks and jellyfish, and some of them can be deadly. But antivenoms, first aid and simple precautions mean deaths are rare. There have been no recorded deaths from Sydney funnel-web spider bites since 1981, and only a handful of shark species pose a real risk.
Britain, meanwhile, is not entirely free of risk. Adders occasionally bite walkers, swans and deer can injure people, and gulls have become a genuine nuisance in some towns. The difference is mostly one of scale and of the kind of animals each country has. Australia's long isolation produced wildlife found nowhere else: about 93 percent of its reptiles and 69 percent of its mammals are endemic.
A few habits keep most encounters safe in either country: give wild animals space, never feed them, keep dogs under control, watch where you put your hands and feet, and follow local signs. Enjoy the pictures as the comedy they are, and if you ever do find a python in the toilet, close the lid and call a professional.
For another light-hearted comparison, see Canadian and Finnish Bear-Encounter Clips: A Humorous Comparison.
Sources: Wikipedia: Fauna of Australia; Wikipedia: Sydney funnel-web spider; Wikipedia: Vipera berus (adder); Wikipedia: Lace monitor; ScienceAlert, March 2017: bull shark after Cyclone Debbie; CBS Minnesota, December 2016: kangaroo punch video; Live Science: the Carbrook golf-course sharks. Photo pairings first collected by BuzzFeed; original photographers as credited in the images.
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