The case for moving at least five times in your life, made by writer Lauren Martin in an essay for Elite Daily, is really a case against getting stuck. She describes five kinds of move: one to leave the familiar world you grew up in, one to seek new experiences, one to follow love, one to walk away when that love has ended, and one to start over. Her point is less about changing addresses than about refusing to let comfort harden into a life you no longer choose. Research on moving adds some useful caution, and the most practical takeaway may be to move with purpose rather than restlessness.
Martin's essay opens with a line usually credited to the Austrian writer Stefan Zweig and often traced to his novel The Post-Office Girl: "Time to leave now, get out of this room, go somewhere, anywhere." It sets the tone for what follows: an argument that feeling alive depends on regularly stepping into the unknown.
The argument in brief
Martin's starting point is that life goes stale when we stop challenging ourselves. A favourite food loses its magic if you eat it every day, and a place can lose its spark in the same way. When we feel comfortable and unchallenged for too long, she suggests, we start to become as dull as our surroundings.
Leaving, in her view, is attractive because it always implies arriving somewhere new. A fresh start is less about new scenery than about seeing your own life with new eyes. Discomfort, she argues, is where growth happens, so the years when you are young and free are the time to keep pushing yourself into unfamiliar situations. Five moves, in her telling, are five chances to open your heart to something new.
The five moves
1. Leaving what you know
The first move is leaving home: the town, family routines and friendships that once made up your whole world. Martin describes it as the hardest move because you choose to be an outsider, frightened and alone for a while, on the bet that something better is out there. For many people this is the move to university, a first job or a new country, and it is often where adult identity begins to form.
2. Seeking new experiences
The second move comes from restlessness, once the new place has become familiar. It is about feeling curious again: new friends, food, perhaps a new language, and an acceptance that you cannot know everything but can keep learning. Martin even celebrates the bittersweet homesickness that comes with it, as a sign that you are living somewhere that still surprises you.
3. Following love
For Martin, love is the destination behind every other journey, and if you find it, whether in a person, a city or a dream job, you should be willing to move for it. Her examples are romantic: a job waiting in Spain, the pink-sand beaches of Bermuda, someone met on the dunes of the Cape. Chasing love, she insists, is not reckless; it is honest about what matters most.
4. Walking away from love that has ended
Love does not always last, and Martin argues that a relationship or a place can be real and meaningful without being permanent. Part of loving well is recognising when something is over. The fourth move is the courage to leave a love that has run its course, rather than staying out of habit or fear that nothing better will come.
5. Beginning again
The last move is a refusal to settle: a commitment to keep reinventing yourself as a friend, partner and person. Martin sees life as a series of rebirths and warns against letting any new place become the final one simply because it is comfortable.
What research says about moving
Psychologists have studied residential mobility closely, and the findings are more mixed than the essay suggests. In a study published in 2010 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Shigehiro Oishi and Ulrich Schimmack followed more than 7,000 American adults for about ten years. People who had moved more often as children reported lower life satisfaction and well-being as adults, and fewer close relationships. The effect was strongest among introverts and people prone to anxiety, while extraverts seemed largely unaffected. Frequent childhood movers were also somewhat more likely to die during the study period, a finding the researchers said needed more research.
Other work by Oishi and colleagues shows a more positive side for adults. Those who moved often for work reported more interesting lives and greater satisfaction with their marriages and families, although they also reported more physical health complaints. Highly mobile people tend to form friendships based on shared interests rather than obligation, and they often rebuild social networks quickly.
Put together, the evidence suggests that moving can enrich an adult life, especially for people who make friends easily, but that frequent uprooting carries real costs, particularly for children and for those who find new social situations hard.
How to make a move worth it
- Know what you are moving toward. A clear reason, such as study, work, love or a lifestyle you want, makes the hard early months easier than a vague wish to escape.
- Invest in people early. Join a club, class or volunteer group in the first weeks. Relationships are the main protection against the loneliness that research links with frequent moves.
- Keep old ties alive. A regular call with a friend from home gives you continuity while you build a new life.
- Think about children. If you have kids, weigh the benefits of a move against the disruption to their friendships and schooling, and give them extra support.
- Check the practicalities. Cost of living, visas, work rights and healthcare can make or break a move abroad.
When staying is not settling
Not everyone can move, and not everyone needs to. Caring responsibilities, finances, health and deep community roots are good reasons to stay. The heart of Martin's essay can still apply: you can travel, change jobs, learn something new or rebuild your routines without changing your postcode. Settling, in the sense she means, is not about staying in one place. It is about no longer choosing your life. If the place you are in still challenges and nourishes you, staying may be exactly the right move.
Sources: Original essay by Lauren Martin, Staying Is Settling (Elite Daily), shared via Idealist Revolution; American Psychological Association on Oishi and Schimmack (2010); Association for Psychological Science, American restlessness, American unhappiness?
Related:- 20 Signs It’s Time To Let Go & Move On
- Reboot Your Life: 20 Mental Barriers You Should Let Go Of
- How To Let Go Of People Who No Longer Need, Or Want, To Be In Your Life
- Alone Isn’t Lonely: 10 Signs You’re Perfectly Happy With Solitude
- How To Be Alone Without Feeling Lonely
- Social Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits
- 18 Signs That You're In A Happy Relationship
- Twenty Reflections on Building Meaningful Relationships
- Signs That Your Relationship Can Last
- Before a Relationship: Making Room for Your Own Life
- 5 Signs You’re in a Toxic or Draining Relationship
- 9 Good Signs That You’re In The Right Relationship
- Relationship Lessons From a Personal Experience of Partnership
- 10 Toxic Relationships Mentally Strong People Avoid
- 10 Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate
- The Four Types Of Friends According To The Buddha
- 8 crazy symptoms of being in love
- An Animated Comedy About Meeting Your Crush
- Research Mapping Human Emotions Shows Strong Mind Body Connection
- The Effect Of Positive Emotions On Our Health
- 5 Things Everyone Should Know About Introverts
- 6 Signs You Could Be a Highly Sensitive Person
- 6 Signs You Are Actually Maturing, Not Just Aging
- 7 Ways to Better Listen to Your Intuition
- 8 Ways To Tell if You’re A Truly Compassionate Person
- 9 Reasons You Need To Be Giving and Receiving Hugs Everyday
COMMENTS