“Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass
Falling in love is one of the most incredible feelings that a human being could ever experience. It is so exciting and so alluring that we dream of it embracing our lives over and over again. And if this infatuation grows into a strong relationship in which we find all the love, support and passion we need, then we couldn’t be asking for more. However, the security and warmth of the relationship or even just the fact that we’re not alone might be quite addictive. It can result in being incapable of achieving happiness when we are by ourselves.
This article is about destroying the thought that tortures a lot of people – that being single means being incomplete. Not having a partner is nothing more than, not having a partner! It is not defining you, it is not making you weaker nor should it affect your self-esteem and satisfaction with yourself.
In order to find that special someone and keep them in your life, you should be ready for it. What you need to understand is that finding your ‘half’ is just a metaphor. None of us is a half-person. You are a solid, self-sufficient, strong individual with a unique personality. Give up on the idea of adding halves and start multiplying! Find your best sides and then someone who would help you amplify all the good things about yourself by stimulating your strengths, not compensating your weaknesses. So before jumping into serial dating because you are profoundly afraid of being alone, it’s time for therapy, not another person to break up within a month or two.
While being single, take the time to work on yourself, improve and develop your personality. When you are at peace with yourself you are more likely to recognize the right person that would eventually stand by your side. Here are a few things worth doing before getting into relationship:
Improve Your Social Life
When in a relationship, many couples tend to isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Being able to have fun together is great but very often we fail to notice how we have alienated our closest people. And at the end of the relationship we find ourselves completely alone, as we finally understand that neglecting our friends is not something we can easily get away with.
So, if you find this situation familiar and you are already single, take advantage of your freedom, of your time and establish new connections or take care of the old ones. Having someone who will always have your back will make you feel less stressed about the thought of being alone.
Take Care of Your Appearance
Being in love makes you want to spend every second of every minute with the object of your affection. We become so comfortable with our partners that we stop putting the same effort on our appearance as when we were trying to win them over. It really is nice to know there is someone who loves you with your unwashed hair, who wouldn’t care if you have a belly or if the romantic dinners have turned into take-out TV dinners at the couch. But someday they might stop loving all that (and you). However, the greasy hair, the belly and the take-out habit will still be your faithful companions.
So if you no longer have the dilemma: training or cuddling, don’t go reminiscing about it with a jar of chocolate. Hit the gym and break a sweat! Make yourself the person you are trying the hardest to look good for! In order to have a healthy dating experience, it is essential that you achieve the comfort of being naked, makeup-free and casually dressed, without wanting to peel your skin off when your significant one sees you in your natural state.
Develop Your Identity
Very often we lose ourselves in the person we are having relationship with. Their interests become our interests, their purposes interfere with ours and setting priorities very often results in putting ourselves second.
Say ‘hello’ to the time when it’s you and only you that matters. Express yourself without being criticized! Be the person you want to be, without having to fit in anyone’s expectations! It’s time to freely enjoy all your hobbies or find new ones, learn new languages, gain new skills. Apart from giving you a lot of positive emotions, this would enormously increase your self-confidence.
Maintain High Standards
It is perfectly normal that the longer you are single, the more willing you are to settle for the second best. Being with someone, who you are clearly not compatible with, just not to be alone, won’t make you any happier. By sharing your time with whoever expresses interest, you risk getting caught in a toxic relationship out of desperation. Remember – it’s not the relationship status that matters, it is the way that this status makes you feel. Better alone, than badly accompanied, right? :)
Pursue your dreams!
Here is the good news: being single means you no longer have to compromise your dreams because of your beloved one. Of course, everything is worth it if it is for the right person, but the bitter taste of abandoning a dream is hard to swallow. Now you can travel everywhere without the chains of a relationship keeping you static. You can study abroad, focus on your career, invest your energy in building your dreams, without anything or anyone holding you back!
A lot of our unpleasant states of mind are just a matter of attitude. This is a pretty good example. Taking it as a punishment would only weigh heavily on your shoulders. Let it go! Accept singleness as a chance to shape the person you have always wanted to be. Patience and motivation are the best weapons against depression.
And finally – according to a study by Syracuse University, it takes one-fifth of a second to fall in love! This means you have 300 per minute, 18 000 per hour and 432 000 chances per day to fall in love! So never ever lose hope!
Source: I Heart Intelligence
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