Originally published 2021-12-27.
In December 2019, a seven-year-old boy staying with his mother at SafeHaven of Tarrant County, a domestic violence shelter in Fort Worth, Texas, wrote a letter to Santa. He explained that the family had to leave home because his dad was angry, that he still felt nervous, and that they had none of their belongings with them. He asked for chapter books, a dictionary, a compass and a watch, and then for one more thing: “a very very very good dad.”
His mother found the letter and agreed to let the shelter share it. Within days it had been seen around the world, and by early January 2020 thousands of gifts had arrived. This is what happened, what the letter shows about children caught up in domestic abuse, and where to find help.
What the boy wrote
The shelter called the boy “Blake”, a name chosen to protect his identity. His note is short and plain. In a few lines he describes a home where his father got his way and the children carried the chores, and a mother who decided it was time to move somewhere they would not have to be afraid. He mentions that he does not want to talk to the other children at the shelter, and he wonders whether Santa will still find him in a new place.
The wish list itself is striking for how ordinary it is. Books, a dictionary, a compass and a watch are the requests of a curious, practical child. The wish for a good father sits right alongside them, written with the same matter-of-fact tone.
(The Facebook post originally embedded here is no longer available.)
The shelter originally shared the letter in a Facebook post, which is no longer available.
How strangers responded
SafeHaven posted the letter to raise awareness of what children in shelters go through. Its president and CEO at the time, Kathryn Jacob, said staff were struck by how many women replied that they recognised their own experiences in it.
When staff returned to the shelter after the holidays, on 2 January 2020, they found thousands of donated gifts waiting. Micah Thompson, SafeHaven’s marketing director, told CBS Texas that Blake “got everything he wanted and extra.” The surplus was shared with other families staying at the shelter, and the rest was set aside as supplies for the year ahead. SafeHaven runs two emergency shelters, in Fort Worth and Arlington, with 164 beds between them, and says Blake and his mother were safe.
The organisation also runs a holiday gift programme for children affected by poverty and abuse. In one year it reportedly delivered around 10,000 presents, thanks to donors.
What the numbers on domestic abuse actually say
Statistics about domestic violence are often repeated without sources, so it helps to be precise.
- National figures. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (2016/2017 data, published 2022) found that about 47% of women, roughly 59 million, and about 44% of men had experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner at some point in their lives. Those figures cover a broad range of behaviour, from stalking to severe assault.
- Texas and Tarrant County. SafeHaven and local reporting have cited the estimate that one in three women in the area will be affected by domestic violence in her lifetime.
- The “every 9 seconds” claim. A widely shared line, often credited to the Partnership Against Domestic Violence, says that a woman in the US is assaulted every nine seconds. The figure circulates widely but is old and hard to trace to current federal data, so it is better treated as a rough slogan than a precise statistic.
How domestic abuse affects children
Children do not need to be hit themselves to be harmed. Living with fear, shouting, threats and unpredictable anger can disrupt sleep, schooling and friendships. Blake’s comment that he did not want to talk to the other children is typical of the withdrawal many young people show after a sudden move.
Shelters try to give children stability fast: a bed, routine, school enrolment, counselling and, crucially, a safe adult to talk to. His requests for books and a watch, things that bring order and calm, fit that picture well.
The letter also raises a question about privacy. Sharing it helped the shelter, and it was done with his mother’s consent and a changed name. Other children deserve the same support without having to tell their stories publicly, which is why donations to shelters, rather than to individual viral cases, help the most families.
Where to get help or give help
If you or someone you know is being abused, help is available.
- United States: the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free, confidential support 24/7. Call 800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat online at thehotline.org.
- Elsewhere: contact your local police emergency number if you are in immediate danger, or search for your country’s national domestic abuse helpline.
- Children: if a child tells you they are scared at home, listen calmly, believe them and contact local child protection services.
If you want to help, call your nearest shelter and ask what it needs. Many have wish lists that include toiletries, clothing, school supplies and gift cards, alongside toys at Christmas.
Blake asked Santa for a good dad because, at seven, he already knew what safety and kindness should feel like. The thousands of strangers who answered could not give him that wish, but they showed his family, and others in the same shelter, that they were not alone.
Sources: CBS Texas, January 2020: Fort Worth domestic violence shelter receives thousands of gifts; CDC, National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2016/2017 Report on Intimate Partner Violence; National Domestic Violence Hotline: Get help. The story was also reported by Positive Outlooks.
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