Miserable Men is an Instagram account built on one running joke: photographs of men waiting in shops, usually while a wife or girlfriend tries things on. They slump on display sofas, sleep in armchairs, guard mountains of shopping bags and stare into the middle distance with the expression of someone who has been told “just five more minutes” several times.
The account, at instagram.com/miserable_men, mostly reposts pictures sent in by followers. When this collection was first put together it was reported to have around 330,000 followers, a figure we could not independently confirm. Most of the humour comes from repetition: once you have seen ten men asleep on mall furniture, the eleventh is funnier.
It is worth keeping the joke in perspective. These are strangers caught in a single moment, and a photo cannot tell you whether someone is bored, jet-lagged, resting a bad knee or simply happy to sit down. The captions below describe the scenes, not the people.
Sofas, armchairs and the art of the shop nap
A whole row of men sits on a low ledge in front of a lingerie store, most of them on their phones. It is the account's theme in one picture: the waiting area nobody designed.
Two older men stretch out on grey sofas in a fashion store, one fully reclined. Furniture placed for display often ends up as an unofficial rest stop.
A man in a leather jacket sits on a child's green chair, playing an interactive screen in a toy department. Sometimes the only entertainment on offer is meant for five-year-olds.
A man reclines on a sofa set high on a warehouse shelf above boxed products, scrolling his phone. The elevated perch gives him a view of the whole aisle.
A man in a red shirt sits upright with a patterned blouse draped over his lap while another waits on a pile of floor cushions behind him. Holding the clothes is a classic waiting-partner job.
A man in a red polo sits on a small black cube between racks of jeans and jackets, hands folded patiently. His posture says he has been there for a while.
A man sits on the floor of a clothing store wedged between several red shopping baskets piled with bags and boxes. He has become part of the luggage.
A man in a green T-shirt is fast asleep in a recliner in a furniture store, a cushion reading “You Are Hot Stuff” propped beside him. The cushion is doing more talking than he is.
In a mall atrium with a fountain, a man in a white shirt lies flat on the floor while shoppers walk past. It is one of the more dramatic poses in the collection.
A man has taken his shoes off and climbed into a made-up display bed in a homewares shop. Furniture stores are, understandably, the danger zone for this kind of picture.
Stairs, steps and the waiting crowd
Several men sit along a wooden staircase in a shop while others walk up past them. Steps are the default bench of every busy mall.
A man in a fur-hooded coat hugs a woman's handbag and a scarf while slumped on a seat, a Tommy Hilfiger bag at his feet. Winter shopping adds coats to the pile.
A man is laughing or yawning, it is hard to tell which, in a red rocking chair in a homewares shop. Either way he is not getting up.
An older man with a white beard dozes on a red sofa in a store, a shopping bag on his lap. The bright upholstery makes the moment look staged, though it may well not be.
A man lies on a black sofa near the trolleys at the entrance of an Australian discount department store. The store sign promises low prices; the sofa offers a free nap.
Men sit on the steps of a modern staircase, nearly all absorbed in their phones. Smartphones have arguably made waiting less miserable than the account suggests.
A man in a light blue polo stands on an upper floor holding two large handbags and an H&M tote. He seems to have accepted his role as porter.
A small boy sits on a shelf among bras and lingerie racks, looking very fed up. Children, it turns out, are just as bored on shopping trips.
Someone is lying on a sportswear display platform among the mannequins, half hidden behind a shopping bag. The mannequins look more energetic than the shopper.
An older man in a hat and argyle sweater sits between stacks of bottled water and juice boxes in a supermarket. It is a quiet corner, if not a scenic one.
Pets, bags and celebrity lookalikes
Six men sit in a row on a bench against a stone wall, coats on, bags at their feet. Together they look like a waiting room for an appointment that never comes.
A man sleeps on a cream sectional sofa in a warehouse club, his shopping trolley parked beside him. Big-box stores with furniture sections seem to produce the most naps.
A man has wedged himself inside a giant yellow number 3 sculpture in a mall, legs dangling. Points for creativity.
Four young men sit together on a bench inside a pink, boudoir-styled lingerie store, all looking at their phones. A shop full of mannequins in underwear makes the perfect backdrop for the joke.
A man sits in a black armchair holding two fluffy white Bichon Frisé-type dogs. At least he has company.
A bearded man sits on steps beside a long row of shopping bags and a suitcase. The luggage suggests a holiday shopping trip, and a long one.
A man is asleep in an armchair displayed on a raised platform in a furniture store, mouth open, as if he were part of the exhibit.
A man in a flat cap and tracksuit sits sideways on a mall bench, looking straight into the camera. He knows he has been spotted.
One man naps in a white armchair with his glasses pushed up while another reads a newspaper in a fashion department. The store has accidentally created a gentlemen's lounge.
A tattooed, bearded man in a white T-shirt and slides lounges in a dark leather chair in a luxury store. He looks more patient than miserable.
Bored at every age
A man in a blue shirt sleeps sitting up, arms crossed over a bright pink handbag, while women browse behind him. The pink bag is a recurring prop in this kind of photo.
A man reclines on a black lounge chair in a mall walkway, head thrown back. The footstool in front of him finishes the look.
In a smart mall lounge area, two older men have settled into designer chairs, one asleep with a book, the other reading. Good seating changes everything.
A woman poses on the pavement outside a lingerie shop while a man leans in the doorway, hand on his head. The contrast between the two is the whole joke.
A young man in a cap sits on a low shelf among shoes and bags, head in his hand. Discount stores rarely offer chairs, so shoppers improvise.
A man in a vest sits on a red bench in a shoe shop with his head in his hands while a child leans over him. Shopping with children doubles the waiting.
A row of men sits in identical beige armchairs beside the escalators in a department store. The store clearly knew what it was doing when it placed the chairs.
A man lies flat on a red bench in a mall, cap over his face, near an optician's display. Sleeping in public takes confidence.
A man sits on the floor in front of a closed shop shutter beside a neat row of shopping bags. Perhaps the shopping is finished and the waiting has just begun.
Two people lean over a man dozing in a wicker chair, smiling at the camera. It looks like his shopping companions are in on the joke.
The last stretch of the shopping trip
People sit on a marble staircase in a mall while others walk down past them. When chairs run out, the stairs fill up.
An older man in shorts and sandals sleeps sitting up in a round wicker pod chair in a handbag store. The cocoon-shaped chair seems made for napping.
A man sits on a stool in a swimwear section, hands clasped, surrounded by bikini bottoms. He seems determined to look at the floor.
A man in socks lies across a brown leather sofa in a bridal and evening-wear store, shoes neatly on the floor. Dress shopping can take hours, and he seems to know it.
A man in red braces and denim overalls, cane in hand, sits in a massage-style armchair in a gift shop. His expression says more than any caption could.
An older man in a beige jacket has fallen asleep on the arm of a mall sofa. It does not look comfortable, but it seems to be working.
A man in black slumps on a sofa on an upper mall floor, mouth open, apparently fast asleep. The shops behind him are still busy.
A man in a “HO HO HO” sweater sits on a stool in a shoe department, holding a cane. The seasonal jumper suggests Christmas shopping, the busiest time of the year.
A man in glasses dozes on a round bench in a sports store, mouth open, beneath a large logo signed in marker. Even a sneaker shop has its quiet corner.
A man in a striped polo sits upright on a round tufted ottoman in a luxury mall, an H&M bag beside him. Calm, patient and probably counting the minutes.
The real-life fix: a crèche for husbands
The idea of bored men at the shops is old enough that some businesses tried to solve it. According to Wikipedia, the first Männergarten (“men's garden,” a play on kindergarten) opened at the Bleichenhof mall in Hamburg, Germany, in 2003. For a flat fee, men could spend Saturday afternoons with two beers, a snack, a model railway, magazines and sports on TV while their partners shopped.
Copies followed in other German cities and in French malls, and IKEA ran a four-day version in Sydney in 2011. The coverage was largely tongue-in-cheek, and critics pointed out that the idea reinforces old stereotypes and ignores same-sex couples and men who simply enjoy shopping.
That is a fair reminder for the photos above, too. Plenty of men love shopping and plenty of women hate it; the account just collects the moments that fit its joke. If you are the one waiting, a little planning helps: agree a time limit, split up and meet at a café, or bring headphones. And if you are the one shopping, maybe check whether there is a chair nearby.
Sources: Miserable Men on Instagram, Männergarten (Wikipedia).
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