10 Psychological Tricks to Get What You Want: What Actually Works

Originally published 2017-06-14.

Lists of "psychological tricks to get what you want" circulate endlessly online. A few of them rest on real research, some are half-truths, and some have no evidence at all. Here are ten of the most popular, from asking a small favour to warming your hands before a handshake, with an honest look at what each one is based on and when it might help.

The short version: none of these works like a switch. People are not that predictable. The ideas that hold up best are the ones that make you a clearer, more considerate communicator, not the ones that try to get around someone's judgement.

Why people love "mind tricks"

A line often attributed to fantasy author Jim Butcher says "the human mind is not a terribly logical or consistent place." Most of us recognise that in ourselves. We decide on impulse, copy those around us and explain our choices afterwards.

That inconsistency is exactly why tricks sound plausible. If our minds take shortcuts, surely someone can use them. Social psychologists have indeed found many such shortcuts. The catch is that effects found in a laboratory are often small, depend on the setting and sometimes disappear when other teams try to repeat the study. Keep that in mind as you read the list.

Tricks with some real evidence behind them

1. Ask for a small favour

The idea: people who help you come to like you more. This is known as the Ben Franklin effect. In his autobiography, Franklin described borrowing a rare book from a hostile fellow legislator and returning it with a thank-you note; the man became friendly afterwards. A 1969 experiment by Jecker and Landy found that students asked directly by a researcher to return prize money liked him more than those who were not asked. Explanations include cognitive dissonance and simple reciprocity. Later replications have been smaller, so treat this as a gentle tendency, not a rule.

2. Paraphrase to show you are listening

Repeating the gist of what someone said in your own words is a core skill in counselling and conflict resolution, often called reflective listening. It works not because it is a trick but because it genuinely checks your understanding and lets the other person correct you. Overdo it mechanically and it can sound scripted.

3. Offer a choice within limits

Asking a child "carrots or green beans tonight?" rather than "will you eat a vegetable?" gives them a sense of control while keeping the outcome you want. Parents and teachers use this all the time, and it is a fair approach when the limits are reasonable and openly yours to set. It becomes manipulative when the narrow choice is used to hide options the person has a right to.

4. Yawn to see who is watching

Contagious yawning is real. Seeing someone yawn, hearing it, or even reading about it can trigger a yawn. A 2011 study found that it spreads most readily between relatives and friends, less between strangers. So if someone yawns soon after you, they may well have seen you, but plenty of people do not catch yawns at all, and tired people yawn anyway. It is a fun experiment, not a reliable test.

Claims that are shakier than they sound

5. Nod to get agreement

There is some lab evidence that people who nod while hearing a persuasive message rate it more positively than people who shake their heads. That is about the listener's own movement, though. Whether your nodding makes others nod and then agree is far less clear. Nodding does signal that you are engaged, which helps any conversation.

6. Warm hands make people like you

This comes from a well-known 2008 study by Lawrence Williams and John Bargh, in which students who briefly held a warm coffee rated a stranger as "warmer" than those holding an iced one. Larger replications, including a multi-lab project in 2014 and further studies in 2019, found no such effect. Warm hands are more pleasant to shake, but do not expect them to change anyone's opinion of you.

7. Hand someone an object while you talk

The claim is that people will automatically take what you hold out rather than interrupt. This is plausible as everyday politeness, and you have probably seen it happen, but there is no solid research behind it as a technique. Asking clearly is kinder and usually just as quick.

8. Look at your destination in a crowd

The idea is that people read each other's gaze to decide which way to step, so looking firmly ahead signals your path. Gaze does play a role in how pedestrians coordinate, but evidence for this specific tip is limited. Walking steadily and predictably probably matters more.

The earworm tip: half right

9. Finish the song that is stuck in your head

Earworms are almost universal; research by marketing professor James Kellaris suggested around 98% of people get them. Because they are usually a short fragment that loops, one common suggestion is to listen to the whole song so the brain registers it as finished. That may help some people. Better-tested options include a moderately demanding task, such as an anagram or a puzzle, which researchers at Western Washington University found could stop earworms, and chewing gum, which a 2015 University of Reading study linked to fewer unwanted tunes.

One tip with no evidence at all

10. Say your grandparents told you

The claim that people trust advice more when you credit an older relative has no research we could find behind it. It also invites a small lie. Advice is better supported by explaining your reasons or pointing to a source the listener can check.

Influence without manipulation

Psychology went through a difficult period in the 2010s, sometimes called the replication crisis, when many striking social-priming findings failed to hold up in larger studies. That is a good reason to be cautious about any list promising reliable ways to steer people.

The approaches that survive scrutiny have something in common: they respect the other person. Asking for help builds a connection. Listening carefully helps you understand. Offering real choices shares control. Saying what you want, why you want it and making it clear that "no" is acceptable will get you further, over time, than any trick.

Next time a list promises you can make anyone do anything, try one simple test. Would you be comfortable if the other person knew exactly what you were doing? If yes, it is probably good communication. If not, it is probably manipulation, and it rarely builds the trust you actually need.

Sources: Wikipedia: Ben Franklin effect; Wikipedia: Yawn (contagious yawning); Wikipedia: Embodied cognition; FORRT Open Social Psychology: Hot coffee effect; Wikipedia: Earworm; Wikipedia: Replication crisis.