The morning after I killed myself

SHARE:

The morning after I killed myself

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.


I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

By Meggie Royer

Source: The Minds Journal

Related:

COMMENTS

BLOGGER: 6
  1. This is different from what I usually see on this site, but it is powerful. Sometimes it is too easy to lose perspective and give into despair. Thank you for this strange, yet uplifting story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the morning after i killed myself, i realized my pain was coming from a person i had never met, and i wanted to meet her. i wanted to know her name. but i didnt have the chance. the morning i killed myself, she was waiting for me, to make this life a life worth living again, to heal me, and to save me from the emptiness that had become of my life, the morning i killed myself, i stopped for a moment and remembered myself, and my pain was no longer worth dying for, but worth living for, intstead,

      Delete
  2. it's kind of eerie and yet so beautiful

    ReplyDelete
  3. In some cases, suicide can be, and is, a valid alternative to a particularly severe level of grief, emptiness, loneliness, mental anguish, psychic pain.
    Some, just some.
    ~Gail

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi disco gail! You are so right and nobody has the right to intervene. I am in constant severe physical and emotional pain. My body my decision. my daughter and i were abandoned by my now ex wife. She became an addict and destroyed everything i spent my entire life building. I lost everything but my daughter. I live in terror of being homeless and being victimized. I am disabled and can no longer work. I don't have anyone but my daughter and i almost never see her. I cannot sleep ever. I have spent the last 2 1/2 yrs trying to get better but i haven't. I have had therapy that entire time and i am still as terribly depressed and grieving. At least once i am gone i won't hurt anymore.

      Delete

Name

Activism,1307,Art,791,BLM,22,Consciousness,1545,CoVid-19,154,Cures,227,Do it Yourself,112,Documentaries,72,Environment,1478,Fiction,2,Health,765,History,464,Human Intelligence,554,Inspirations,2,Inspiring Stories,4179,Justice,536,Mental Health,16,News,1411,Nutrition,218,Philosophy,309,Photography,1590,Quantum Physics,29,Quizzes & Tests,145,Quotes,113,Relationships,781,Science,1145,Self Improvement,838,Spirituality,248,Sustainability,246,Technology,477,Truth,755,
ltr
item
Thinking Humanity: The morning after I killed myself
The morning after I killed myself
The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHsMMH4LFdeT_WAXcrehbfTBtSA760du-is3WXg5dZFQGJtEyl17phMrJ00P7tNezLSlIOIEQ3zgIFWdQ9OQzfkfrHdRjT0Ybc-xQdvRcgvlI-fKbDFjmH46qAptDQm4yM2tBKW1DZ-8IB/s1600/The+morning+after+I+killed+myself.jpg
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHsMMH4LFdeT_WAXcrehbfTBtSA760du-is3WXg5dZFQGJtEyl17phMrJ00P7tNezLSlIOIEQ3zgIFWdQ9OQzfkfrHdRjT0Ybc-xQdvRcgvlI-fKbDFjmH46qAptDQm4yM2tBKW1DZ-8IB/s72-c/The+morning+after+I+killed+myself.jpg
Thinking Humanity
https://www.thinkinghumanity.com/2016/08/the-morning-after-i-killed-myself.html
https://www.thinkinghumanity.com/
https://www.thinkinghumanity.com/
https://www.thinkinghumanity.com/2016/08/the-morning-after-i-killed-myself.html
true
7064777598104498166
UTF-8
Loaded All Posts Not found any posts VIEW ALL Readmore Reply Cancel reply Delete By Home PAGES POSTS View All RECOMMENDED FOR YOU LABEL ARCHIVE SEARCH ALL POSTS Not found any post match with your request Back Home Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat January February March April May June July August September October November December Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec just now 1 minute ago $$1$$ minutes ago 1 hour ago $$1$$ hours ago Yesterday $$1$$ days ago $$1$$ weeks ago more than 5 weeks ago Followers Follow THIS PREMIUM CONTENT IS LOCKED STEP 1: Share to a social network STEP 2: Click the link on your social network Copy All Code Select All Code All codes were copied to your clipboard Can not copy the codes / texts, please press [CTRL]+[C] (or CMD+C with Mac) to copy