The popular list of "eight types of love according to the ancient Greeks" names eros (passion), philia (friendship), storge (family affection), ludus (playful love), mania (obsessive love), pragma (lasting, committed love), philautia (self-love) and agape (selfless love). It is a useful way to think about the different bonds in a life. But it is not an ancient list. Several of the words are genuinely Greek and appear in ancient texts; others were attached to modern categories by a Canadian sociologist in 1973, and one of them is Latin. Here is what each type means, where it really comes from, and how to use the ideas well.
English stretches one word, "love", to cover how we feel about a partner, a parent, a best friend, a hobby and even pizza. Greek offered several overlapping words, which is why these lists are so appealing: they give us vocabulary for differences we already feel.
The eight types of love at a glance
| Name | Short meaning | Origin of the label |
|---|---|---|
| Eros | Desire, romantic and physical attraction | Ancient Greek |
| Philia | Friendship and loyal affection between equals | Ancient Greek |
| Storge | Familiar affection, especially in families | Ancient Greek (rare in surviving texts) |
| Ludus | Playful, flirtatious, low-commitment love | Latin word, used by John Alan Lee (1973) |
| Mania | Obsessive, anxious, possessive love | Greek word, used as a love style by Lee |
| Pragma | Practical love built on compatibility | Greek root, used as a love style by Lee |
| Philautia | Love of self, healthy or vain | Ancient Greek |
| Agape | Selfless, giving love | Ancient Greek, later central in Christian writing |
Where the list really comes from
The modern "types of love" list blends two sources. The first is real ancient vocabulary: Greek writers did use eros, philia, storge, agape and philautia, each with its own range of meaning. The second is the work of John Alan Lee, a Canadian sociologist who in 1973 published Colours of Love. Lee asked people to sort around 1,500 cards describing experiences of love and found recurring patterns, which he called "love styles".
Lee compared his styles to a colour wheel. Three were primary: eros, ludus and storge. Three were secondary blends of two primaries: mania (eros plus ludus), pragma (ludus plus storge) and agape (eros plus storge). To name them he borrowed classical words, including the Latin ludus, meaning "play" or "game". The Greeks never used pragma as the name of a kind of love, and no ancient author set out a fixed list of six, seven or eight loves.
Online articles later merged Lee's six styles with philia and philautia, presented the result as ancient wisdom, and sometimes counted seven and sometimes eight. One widely shared version was an essay by Mateo Sol of the spirituality site LonerWolf, which added a spiritual "catalyst" to each type. The categories remain useful; the label "according to the ancient Greeks" is what needs correcting.
The genuinely ancient words
Eros: desire
Eros was both a word for passionate desire and the name of the god of love. Greek poets often describe it as overwhelming, something that loosens the limbs and robs a person of judgement. Plato took it in a more philosophical direction. In his Symposium, Socrates reports the teaching of a priestess named Diotima: attraction to one beautiful person can lead step by step to love of beauty in souls, in knowledge, and finally in beauty itself. Eros, in this view, is a ladder rather than just a flame.
A small correction belongs here. "Platonic love" now means a relationship without sex, but the term was coined in the 15th century by the Renaissance scholar Marsilio Ficino. In Plato's own account, physical attraction is the starting point, not something love excludes.
Philia: friendship
Philia covers friendship, loyalty and fondness between people who choose each other: friends, comrades, fellow citizens, business partners. Aristotle devoted two books of his Nicomachean Ethics to it. He distinguished friendships of usefulness, of pleasure and of virtue, and argued that the best kind exists between good people who wish each other well for the other's own sake. For Aristotle, a happy life without friends was barely imaginable.
Storge: family affection
Storge is the warm, often unspoken affection that grows from closeness and familiarity, most typically between parents and children. It appears less often in surviving Greek texts than the other words. In Lee's modern scheme, storge became the slow-building love that grows out of friendship and shared history, the kind where partners say they cannot remember exactly when they fell in love.
Philautia: self-love
Greek thinkers were divided about love of self. It could mean selfishness and vanity, but Aristotle argued for a better kind: the good person loves what is best in himself and so acts nobly toward others. A line often attributed to Aristotle, paraphrasing Book IX of the Nicomachean Ethics, puts it this way: "All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man's feelings for himself." Today we would talk about self-respect and self-compassion rather than narcissism.
Agape: selfless love
In classical Greek, agape and its verb could simply mean affection or fondness. The word took on its weight in the Greek of the New Testament, where it describes God's love and the love believers are asked to show to others, including strangers and enemies. Thomas Aquinas later defined love of this kind as willing the good of another. Many traditions have their own versions, such as the Buddhist practice of mettā, or loving-kindness.
Lee's modern love styles
Ludus: love as a game
In Lee's research, ludic lovers enjoy flirting, novelty and the chase, and avoid dependency or heavy commitment. That can be light-hearted fun when both people want the same thing, and painful when they do not. Popular articles soften ludus into "playfulness", which is a different idea: keeping humour and play alive inside a committed relationship is widely seen as healthy.
Mania: anxious, possessive love
Manic love, in Lee's scheme, combines the intensity of eros with the insecurity of a game whose rules are unclear. It shows up as preoccupation, jealousy and a constant need for reassurance. Later studies have linked this style with attachment anxiety. Recognising it is useful; if jealousy or obsessive thoughts are taking over your life, talking to a counsellor or doctor can help.
Pragma: practical love
The word comes from the Greek for "deed" or "matter", the root of "pragmatic". Lee used it for love that weighs compatibility: shared goals, values, background and plans. It can sound unromantic, but many long, stable partnerships contain a large dose of it. The popular description of pragma as "mature love that takes effort on both sides" is a modern gloss rather than Lee's definition, though it is good advice.
What psychology research says
Lee's ideas did not stay as a curiosity. In the 1980s psychologists Clyde and Susan Hendrick turned them into the Love Attitudes Scale, a questionnaire that rates how strongly a person endorses each of the six styles. Because it measures attitudes on a scale rather than sorting people into boxes, researchers could test how styles relate to other traits.
Studies using the scale have found, for example, that eros tends to go with secure attachment, while mania is associated with attachment anxiety and neuroticism. Most people score on several styles at once, and scores can shift with age and with different partners. The Hendricks came to describe love styles as attitudes with an emotional core rather than fixed personality types.
So the eight categories are best seen as lenses. No serious researcher claims there are exactly eight kinds of love, and the ancient Greeks would not have recognised the neat list either.
Using the types of love in everyday life
Read the list as a set of prompts rather than a test with right answers. A few questions can make it useful:
- Which kinds of love are strong in your life right now, and which are thin? Many people pour everything into one romantic relationship and let friendships (philia) fade.
- In a partnership, which styles do you and your partner each lean toward? A ludic and a manic lover will read the same text message very differently.
- Is your self-respect (philautia) healthy enough to let you give without resentment, or does it slide into self-neglect or vanity?
- Where could a little agape, simple goodwill toward people who can give you nothing back, make a difference this week?
The real gift of the Greek vocabulary is not a numbered system but permission to notice that love comes in many shapes. A life rich in friendship, family warmth, desire, commitment and kindness to strangers is fuller than one built on any single kind.
Sources: Wikipedia: Colour wheel theory of love (John Alan Lee, Hendrick and Hendrick); Wikipedia: Greek words for love; Wikipedia: Platonic love; original essay by Mateo Sol of LonerWolf, as republished by Expanded Consciousness.
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