5 Signs You Are a Sapiosexual, and What the Research Says

A sapiosexual is someone who finds intelligence the most attractive quality in another person, often more than looks. Typical signs are feeling drawn to people who use language well, enjoying a good argument with a partner, valuing emotional intelligence as much as book smarts, preferring a bookshop or museum to a noisy bar, and finding deep conversation genuinely romantic. Research suggests only a small minority of people fit the label strongly.

Below we look at where the word comes from, the five most common signs, what the one major scientific study on the subject actually found, and a few myths worth clearing up.

What does "sapiosexual" mean?

The word combines the Latin sapio, roughly "I am wise" or "I have taste", with "sexual". It describes attraction to another person's mind: their knowledge, wit, curiosity and way of thinking.

The term was around online for years before it went mainstream in 2014, when the dating site OkCupid added it as one of several new identity options on user profiles. About 0.5% of OkCupid users picked it, most often people in their thirties. The site removed it again in February 2019 after what it described as considerable negative feedback, with critics calling the label elitist or pretentious.

It is worth being clear about one point. Sapiosexuality is not generally treated as a sexual orientation in the way being gay, straight or bisexual is. A sapiosexual person can be any of those. It is better understood as a strong preference about what attracts you, rather than who.

Five signs you might be a sapiosexual

1. Good language makes you light up

Slick chat-up lines leave you cold. What gets your attention is someone who expresses themselves precisely, uses words with care and can talk about the news, an idea or a book in an interesting way. A well-written message can do more for you than a perfect profile photo, and a clumsy one can quietly end your interest.

2. Your disagreements are about ideas

When you and a partner argue, it is often over politics, science, philosophy or the meaning of a film, not over who forgot the shopping. Both of you have opinions and enjoy defending them. The upside is a relationship that never gets dull. The risk is that two strong-minded people can turn every topic into a contest, so it helps to agree that losing an argument is fine.

3. You value empathy, not just IQ

For you, "smart" is wider than exam results. You are just as drawn to emotional intelligence: the ability to notice what someone else is feeling and respond in the right way. A person who listens well and reads a room can be as attractive to you as someone who has read every classic.

4. You would rather meet in a bookshop than a bar

The bookshop-versus-bar contrast is a cliché, but it points to something real. You care where you spend your time and who you spend it with. A slow afternoon in a museum, a lecture, a quiz night or a walk with a long conversation sounds like a far better date than shouting over loud music. Substance matters more to you than scene.

5. A deep conversation feels like romance

For many sapiosexuals, a long, respectful exchange of ideas is a form of intimacy in itself. Talking late into the night about big questions, disagreeing without anger, and feeling truly understood can be the moment attraction turns into something more. If a good debate leaves you more drawn to someone than a candlelit dinner would, this sign fits.

What the research actually found

The main scientific study of sapiosexuality was published in 2018 in the journal Intelligence by Gilles Gignac of the University of Western Australia, with Joey Darbyshire and Michelle Ooi. They asked 383 adults to rate how attractive they would find partners at different levels of intelligence and gave them questionnaires designed to measure sapiosexual tendencies.

Their findings, as reported by PsyPost, were:

• It is real but uncommon. Between roughly 1% and 8% of young adults aged 18 to 35 showed a strong sapiosexual profile.
• There is a sweet spot. Attraction rose with intelligence up to an IQ of about 120, the 90th percentile, then dipped slightly for an IQ of about 135, the 99th percentile. Very high intelligence was still rated more attractive than average intelligence, just not the most attractive.
• Your own IQ doesn't predict it. Participants' measured intelligence was not linked to whether they identified as sapiosexual.
• Women were somewhat more likely than men to identify with the label.

Gignac noted one limitation: the sample did not include people with below-average intelligence, so a connection between a person's own IQ and sapiosexuality cannot be ruled out entirely.

For a longer look at the science, see our article on why some of us are attracted to intelligence.

Common myths about sapiosexuals

"Sapiosexuals only care about IQ." Most people who use the word mean curiosity, humour, kindness and good conversation as much as raw intelligence. The research sweet spot at "bright but not extreme" fits that.

"You have to be a genius to be one." The study found no link between a person's own measured IQ and their attraction to intelligence.

"It's just a fancy word for being picky." Almost everyone values some intelligence in a partner. The difference is degree: for a sapiosexual, a mind is often the main spark rather than one item on a list.

"It means looking down on others." That is the elitism criticism, and it is fair when the label is used to sneer. Used honestly, it simply describes what you find attractive, the same way someone might say they love a great sense of humour.

If the label fits you

Knowing that intelligence is your main draw can make dating easier. A few practical ideas:

• Plan dates that leave room to talk: walks, galleries, bookshops, cooking together.
• Ask open questions about what someone is curious about, not just what they do for work.
• Remember that intelligence comes in many forms, including practical skill, creativity and emotional insight.
• Keep debate playful, especially early on. Respect for the other person's view matters more than winning.

If you love learning and surround yourself with people who teach you something, you may already know you are a sapiosexual. People like this often fall for a partner who loves books as much as they do.

Sources: PsyPost: Study on sapiosexuality (3 January 2018); Wikipedia: Sapiosexuality; Gignac, Darbyshire & Ooi, "Some people are attracted sexually to intelligence", Intelligence 66 (2018).