Originally published 2015-05-19.
When a situation cannot be changed right away, the one thing still within your reach is the way you interpret it. You may be stuck in a job until a better offer arrives, unable to make another person behave differently, or living with something in the past that will never be undone. None of that moves on command. What can move, sometimes within minutes, is the story you tell yourself about it, and that story shapes how you feel and what you do next.
This is not a modern self-help slogan. It runs from the Stoic philosophers of ancient Greece and Rome to one of the most widely used forms of talking therapy today. Below you will find where the idea comes from, how it works in practice, seven concrete ways to shift your outlook, and an honest look at what the research does and does not support.
From Epictetus to Albert Ellis: an old idea with modern support
Epictetus was born into slavery in the first century and later became one of the best-known teachers of Stoic philosophy. He wrote nothing himself. His student Arrian collected his teachings, and around 125 CE condensed them into a short handbook, the Enchiridion. Its opening lines divide life into what depends on us and what does not. Its fifth chapter carries the sentence most people remember, usually translated as Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.
The handbook travelled remarkably far. It was adapted by Christian monks, translated into Latin in the fifteenth century, and was among the books John Harvard left to the college that took his name.
Nearly two thousand years later, the New York psychologist Albert Ellis built a therapy on the same foundation. He began presenting it in the mid-1950s, called it rational therapy, renamed it rational emotive therapy in 1959, and settled on rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) in 1992. Ellis openly credited the Stoics, quoting Epictetus directly. REBT is now regarded as one of the earliest forms of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), the family of approaches that Aaron Beck and others developed in the following decade.
How the ABC model works in everyday life
Ellis summed up his approach with a simple sequence:
- A, the activating event. Your manager criticises a report in front of the team.
- B, the belief. "I always mess up. Everyone now thinks I'm useless."
- C, the consequence. You feel ashamed, avoid colleagues and lie awake replaying the meeting.
Most of us assume A causes C directly. Ellis argued that B sits in the middle and does much of the work. Change the belief to "That report had weak spots, I can fix them, and one meeting does not define my reputation," and the same event produces a very different C: some discomfort, then action.
Therapy adds two more steps. D is disputing the unhelpful belief: is it true, is it useful, would you say it to a friend? E is the effect, a more balanced belief and the calmer feeling that follows. You can run this on paper in five minutes, and it is often more practical than trying to "think positive" in the abstract.
Seven ways to shift your perspective when you feel stuck
1. Pause before you interpret
You cannot examine a thought while you are swept along by it. A short break creates distance: step away from the screen, go for a walk, or try slow breathing. The NHS suggests breathing in gently through the nose and out through the mouth, counting to five each way if that helps, for at least five minutes. Regular rest is not laziness; running on empty makes every problem look bigger than it is.
2. Put your attention on the next useful step
Once you notice where your attention has gone, you can steer it. Ask: what is the smallest helpful action I can take today? A sent email, a phone call, a single job application. Hope tends to follow movement, not the other way round. Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention is one popular book built around this theme of choosing where your mind goes.
3. Separate what you control from what you don't
This is Epictetus's first lesson. Draw two columns. In one, list what is genuinely yours to decide: your effort, your words, who you ask for help. In the other, put everything else: other people's choices, the economy, the past. Then let the second column go for now. Accepting the facts of the moment is what frees energy for the first column.
4. Practise gratitude on purpose
Gratitude does not mean pretending everything is fine. It means noticing what still works while some things don't. In one well-known study, people asked to write down three things they were thankful for each day kept reporting higher happiness months later. Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson's Buddha’s Brain explains, in accessible terms, why lingering on good experiences may help them stick.
5. Treat difficulty as information, not a verdict
A setback can be read as "this proves I'm failing" or as "this shows me what to adjust." The second reading is not naive optimism. Most skills, relationships and careers involve stretches of struggle, and the people who keep going are usually those who interpret those stretches as part of the process rather than as a final judgement.
6. Let endings become beginnings
Jobs end, relationships end, phases of life end. Clinging to how things used to be keeps you facing backwards. You do not have to erase the past; keep the lessons and the good memories, and allow yourself to be curious about what comes next. Writing down one thing you might now be free to try can make that shift feel concrete.
7. Use your body to nudge your mood
Mind and body influence each other. Slumped shoulders and shallow breathing tend to go with low moods, and changing your posture, breathing more slowly or simply moving can lift how you feel. Keep expectations modest, though: as the research section below explains, the effects are real but mostly on feelings, not on hormones.
Acceptance is not the same as approval
Changing your perspective can be misread as "put up with anything." That is not what the Stoics or Ellis meant. Accepting that something is happening today is different from agreeing that it is right or that it must continue. If you are being treated unfairly or harmed, reframing your thoughts should never replace seeking support, setting boundaries or getting out.
A useful exercise is to name two things side by side: the part of the situation you cannot change right now, and the choices that remain open. Those choices might be small, such as who you talk to or where you put your limited energy, but they are yours. Nor should a hard time be blamed on a "bad attitude." Distress is a normal response to difficult events, not a personal failing.
What the research actually says
Cognitive approaches work for many people. A 2018 systematic review and meta-analysis of rational emotive and cognitive behavioural therapy found support for their effectiveness across a range of problems. Critics note that some studies measure whether people feel better in the short term rather than whether they stay better.
Gratitude exercises show promise, with caveats. Studies such as Emmons and McCullough's 2003 "counting blessings" work and later experiments with gratitude journals and letters found boosts in well-being. Much of the wider evidence is correlational, and effects tend to be modest, so treat gratitude as one helpful habit rather than a cure.
"Power posing" was oversold. A famous 2010 study claimed that expansive poses changed hormone levels. Larger replications did not find the hormone effect, and one of the original authors, Dana Carney, said in 2016 that she no longer believed it was real. A 2022 meta-analysis of 128 studies still found reliable effects on mood and self-confidence. So standing tall may help you feel a little better; it will not rewire your body chemistry.
Slow breathing is a low-risk tool. Health services including the NHS recommend simple breathing exercises for stress. They will not solve the problem in front of you, but they can make it easier to think clearly about it.
Common myths about changing your mind
"Just think positive." Forcing cheerful thoughts often backfires. The aim is a more accurate, balanced view, not a falsely bright one.
"If I feel bad, I'm doing it wrong." Shifting perspective reduces the intensity of painful feelings over time; it does not switch them off. Sadness after a loss, or anger at an injustice, can be entirely appropriate.
"It's all in your head." Ellis never claimed events don't matter. His point was that our beliefs add a layer on top of events, and that layer is the part we can work on.
"I should be able to do this alone." Many people find it much easier with help. If low mood, anxiety or stress lasts for weeks or affects daily life, talk to a doctor; they can point you towards talking therapies such as CBT.
Some circumstances will take months or years to change, and some never will. Your interpretation of them can begin to change today, one belief at a time.
Sources: Wikipedia: Enchiridion of Epictetus; Wikipedia: Rational emotive behavior therapy; EBSCO Research Starters: Rational emotive therapy; Wikipedia: Gratitude; Wikipedia: Power posing; NHS: Breathing exercises for stress.
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