Originally published 2022-07-05.
In July 2022, Dr Lalitaa Suglani, a chartered psychologist based in Birmingham, England, shared a list on Instagram of nine habits that can point to overthinking. The post went viral because so many people recognised themselves in it: replaying awkward moments, rehearsing conversations, reading meaning into short messages.
The good news is that noticing these patterns is the first step to easing them. Suglani herself stressed that some overthinking is part of being human. As she put it:
"We are all human and there will be times where we overthink things which is completely normal."
The problem, she explained, is when it becomes frequent enough to drain energy, stall decisions and steal attention from the present. Below are the nine signs in plain terms, what psychology says about why overthinking happens, and practical ways to step out of the loop.
The nine signs, explained
1. You need to know what others are feeling
You scan faces and tone constantly, and when you cannot tell what someone thinks of you, it makes you anxious. The urge is to remove uncertainty, but other people's inner states are often unknowable.
2. You collect opinions before deciding
Doubting your own judgement, you ask several friends for advice about the same choice. Extra opinions can feel reassuring, yet they often add more options to weigh and more doubt.
3. You hunt for the reason behind people's behaviour
When someone acts in a way that hurts or puzzles you, you keep digging for the real motive. Understanding is useful, but endless "why" questions rarely reach a firm answer.
4. A short reply sets off alarm bells
A one-word text or a brief email makes you wonder what you did wrong. Most of the time, a short reply reflects the sender's busy day, not their feelings about you.
5. Embarrassing moments stay vivid for years
You can recall a clumsy comment from long ago in sharp detail and still judge yourself for it. Others usually forgot it the same day.
6. You rehearse conversations in your head
Before a chat, you script it, picturing every way it could go. A little preparation helps, but running dozens of versions mostly builds tension.
7. You fixate on what you cannot control
Your attention locks on to things you have no power to change, such as other people's choices or the past, which leaves you feeling stuck.
8. You jump to the worst outcome
Your mind goes straight to the most catastrophic possibility, even when it is unlikely. Psychologists call this catastrophising.
9. You keep revisiting your past choices
After a decision is made, you replay it, looking for errors and imagining how things might have gone differently.
Overthinking, worry and rumination
"Overthinking" is not a clinical diagnosis. It is an everyday word for two patterns psychologists study closely. Worry is repetitive thinking about the future, the what-ifs and worst cases in signs 6 and 8. Rumination is repetitive thinking about the past and about one's own feelings and failings, as in signs 3, 5 and 9.
The psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, whose work shaped this field, described rumination as passively and repeatedly focusing on distress and its causes and consequences, without moving towards a solution. Research has since linked habitual rumination to a higher risk of depression and anxiety, and experiments show that being prompted to ruminate tends to worsen low mood. Rumination is also tied to a strong need to understand situations completely, which is why "why did this happen?" can feel so urgent and lead nowhere.
The difference between helpful and unhelpful thinking is not how long you think, but where it goes. Problem solving ends in a decision or an action. Overthinking circles back to where it started.
Common myths about overthinking
- "If I think about it enough, I will find the answer." Many of the questions overthinkers chew on, like what someone really meant, have no definite answer. More thinking rarely adds information.
- "Worrying keeps me prepared." Planning helps; endlessly replaying worst cases mainly adds stress and can make decisions harder.
- "Overthinkers are just more intelligent or caring." Thoughtfulness and care are good qualities, but rumination is a habit, not a sign of depth. It can be changed.
- "Just stop thinking about it." Trying to push a thought away often makes it return. Shifting attention to something absorbing usually works better than suppression.
Practical ways to step back
Suglani's own advice centred on two ideas: pause and ask whether you are making more of a situation than it deserves, and remember that other people are usually far more focused on their own lives than on your actions. Approaches from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and mindfulness add more tools:
- Swap "why" for "how." Rumination-focused CBT encourages moving from abstract questions ("Why am I like this?") to concrete ones ("What is one thing I can do next?").
- Schedule worry time. The NHS suggests setting aside a short, fixed time each day for worries. When one pops up outside that slot, note it down and return to it later. Many lose their urgency by then.
- Sort problems into solvable and not. For solvable ones, write down one step and do it. For the rest, practise letting go, which ties directly to sign 7.
- Check the evidence. When you predict a disaster, ask how likely it really is, what you would tell a friend in your position, and how you would cope if it did happen.
- Use mindfulness. Meta-analyses of randomised trials have found that mindfulness-based programmes reduce rumination. Even a few minutes of focusing on breath or physical sensations can interrupt the loop.
- Move and engage. A walk, exercise or a task that needs full attention gives the mind something else to work on.
- Decide, then close the file. Give yourself a reasonable deadline for a decision, make it, and treat second-guessing as a habit to notice rather than a call to reopen the case.
When overthinking needs more support
Recognising several of the nine signs is common and does not mean anything is wrong. It is worth getting help if repetitive thoughts are taking up hours of your day, keeping you awake, stopping you from making decisions or enjoying things, or come with persistent low mood or anxiety. Talk to a doctor or a qualified therapist; talking therapies such as CBT are widely available and effective for these patterns.
If you ever feel unable to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact a doctor, a local crisis line or emergency services straight away.
The takeaway
Overthinking usually comes from a good place: wanting to get things right, keep relationships safe and avoid mistakes. The trouble is that the mind treats every unanswered question as an emergency. Suglani's list is useful not as a diagnosis but as a mirror. Spotting the pattern, sign 4 when a short text arrives or sign 9 after a decision, gives you a moment to choose a different response, and with practice those moments add up.
Sources: Dr Lalitaa Suglani's Instagram post, as reported by the Daily Mail (July 2022); Rumination (psychology), Wikipedia; NHS Every Mind Matters, self-help CBT techniques.
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