Originally published 2022-02-11.
In January 2020 Jessica Benzakein, a single mother in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, legally adopted six boys she had been fostering for several years: a group of four brothers and a pair of younger brothers. Benzakein, then 46, had spent her own teenage years in foster care after being told, at 12, that she was probably too old to be adopted. Her story is a small window onto two big problems in child welfare: older children waiting for families, and brothers and sisters split up by the system.
Who the family is
Judge Mark Sanders signed the adoption papers on Friday, 3 January 2020, according to TODAY Parents. The six boys came as two sibling groups:
- Four brothers: Will, 18; Carter, 14; Sidney, 13; and Markell, known as Buddy, 8.
- Two brothers: Kendrich, 6, and Terrell, known as T.J., 4.
Kendrich and T.J. had lived with her since 2015, and the four older brothers arrived soon afterwards. Good News Network reported that the first visit was only supposed to last a weekend; it turned into years. Benzakein also has two children of her own, Eli and Brenna, whom she co-parents with her former husband. That makes a household of eight children, which she described to TODAY as fun and “total chaos in a good way.”
Some earlier retellings described all six boys as one set of brothers. They are in fact two separate families, and keeping each group together was the point.
Growing up in foster care
Benzakein became a ward of the state at 12, when her mother gave up her parental rights. She has recalled a caseworker named Ron sitting her down and asking what her “plan B” was, because adoption at her age was unlikely. In her telling he was not being cruel, just honest about how the system worked: families hoping to adopt tend to look for much younger children, and the odds fall quickly as a child gets older.
She stayed in foster care until 18 and then went to college. That transition exposed a gap many people never think about. During her first college Christmas the dorms emptied out, and she had no family home to return to. She paid to stay in a tiny room on her own. Holidays, she said, were when the absence of a family hurt most.
She was also separated from her own brother while in care, an experience that shaped what she later chose to do.
Why sibling groups are so often split up
Benzakein has pointed out that Wisconsin alone has more than 7,000 children in foster care, and that sibling groups are common and frequently broken up. The reasons are mostly practical. Few foster homes have the space or capacity to take three, four or more children at once, and when an emergency placement is needed the same night, agencies take whichever beds are available.
Federal law recognises the problem. The Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008 requires states to make reasonable efforts to place siblings together, or to arrange frequent contact when that is not possible. In practice, separation still happens, especially for large groups and for children with very different ages.
Research and the testimony of former foster youth both suggest that brothers and sisters can be a source of stability when everything else, including school, home and caregivers, keeps changing. A sibling is often the one relationship a child carries through every move.
Older children and adoption
Most children in U.S. foster care do not end up adopted. Federal data for 2020 show that of roughly 224,000 children who left care that year, about 48 percent returned to their parents or primary caretakers and about a quarter were adopted. Around 9 percent left by emancipation, which mostly means aging out at 18 or older without a permanent family.
Those who age out face hard odds. Studies of former foster youth find lower rates of high school and college graduation and higher rates of homelessness and mental health difficulties than their peers. That is part of why advocates press so hard for adoptive and guardianship families for teenagers, not only toddlers.
The caseworker’s warning to a 12-year-old Benzakein reflected a real pattern, but it is not a rule about who deserves a family. Teenagers in care need permanence as much as anyone, and, as her own adoption of an 18-year-old shows, a legal family can still matter at the edge of adulthood.
What the boys gave back
Stories like this are often told as if the adults are the only givers. Benzakein rejected that framing. People kept telling her how lucky the boys were, she said, but she saw it the other way round: she had spent her twenties believing she did not need a family, and the boys proved her wrong. In her words, “They give me purpose.”
Milwaukee television news, including WTMJ-4, covered the adoption at the time. A video report on the family is below.
How to help if you are thinking about it
Not everyone can adopt six children, and no one should feel they must. But there are many ways to support children in care:
- Foster or adopt older children or sibling groups. These are the placements agencies struggle most to find. Your state child welfare agency or a licensed private agency can explain training and licensing.
- Offer respite care. Short, licensed breaks for foster families help keep placements stable.
- Volunteer as a CASA (court appointed special advocate), speaking up for a child’s interests in court, including keeping siblings in contact.
- Support young people who age out with holiday invitations, mentoring, or donations to programs that provide housing and college help. Benzakein’s lonely Christmas is a reminder that the need does not end at 18.
Sources: TODAY Parents: Woman who grew up in foster care adopts 6 boys; Good News Network, January 2020; Wikipedia: Foster care in the United States. Earlier coverage via Positive Outlooks.
COMMENTS