Barry Farmer is a single father from Richmond, Virginia, who grew up in foster care and went on to foster and adopt three boys: Jaxon, Xavier and Jeremiah. He became a licensed foster parent in his early twenties, when most people his age are still working out their own lives, and he now encourages other adults, single or married, to consider fostering and adoption.
His story is a useful answer to a question many people quietly ask themselves: can a young, single person really give a child from foster care a permanent home? Here is how his family came together, what he has learned, and what anyone thinking about fostering should know.
A childhood in kinship care
Farmer's own start in life was hard. He entered foster care as a baby, together with his three sisters, because their parents could not look after them. When he was about four, the children were placed with their grandmother, a woman he had never met before. This arrangement, in which a relative takes in a child from the care system, is known as kinship care.
She raised him in a stable, loving home, and he grew into an active member of his community. He never forgot that strangers and family had stepped in when he needed them, and that feeling became the root of everything that followed.
Becoming a foster parent in his early twenties
Farmer applied after seeing an advertisement asking for foster parents. Agencies often expect applicants to be older and in couples, and staff were at first unsure about a young single man. He was licensed anyway, at about 21 according to a 2017 local news report.
His first placement, roughly a year after he was licensed, was a 16-year-old boy from a group home who stayed for about six months. Next came Jaxon, then seven years old. Farmer has described being surprised: he had assumed the boy would be Black like him, and instead met a very fair-skinned white child who wanted hugs and, almost at once, to call him Dad.
Jaxon was moved to another family who planned to adopt him, but that placement did not last. He came back, and Farmer adopted him. The process took about a year and ended with a court hearing in which Farmer promised the judge he would take full responsibility for the boy. He was around 22.
Jaxon, Xavier and Jeremiah
Farmer and Jaxon met Xavier in 2013. Xavier was living in another state, and Farmer found him through an adoption website, then drove for hours to meet him. Jeremiah arrived in 2014, aged four, for respite care, a short stay that gives another carer a break. He ended up staying for good.
When the story spread in 2021, Farmer was 34 and the boys were 19, 17 and 11. He worked in Richmond's public schools and later hosted his own local morning show. Asked how fatherhood had changed him, he told TODAY that he had found far more patience than he expected.
His sons do not look like him, and he has spoken openly about stares and comments from strangers. His answer, given to the Richmond station WTVR in 2017, was short: "Skin does not separate us, it does not define our family."
The video above tells the family's story in brief.
Can a single man foster or adopt?
Yes. Farmer's case is unusual for his age, not for his marital status. Single adults foster and adopt across the United States. AdoptUSKids, the national project funded by the US Children's Bureau, stresses that most adults can qualify, that you do not need to be wealthy, and that you do not need to own your home. Rules differ by state, so the details always come from your local agency.
A few common myths are worth clearing up:
- "Only married couples are approved." Single applicants are approved all the time. What agencies look for is stability, support and the ability to meet a child's needs.
- "You have to be rich." You need a steady enough income to cover your own household, not a large one.
- "Older children are too damaged to bond." Many older children are waiting precisely because of this belief. Farmer's three sons were all school-age or close to it when they joined him.
- "Children should be placed only with parents of the same race." Federal law in the US bars agencies from delaying or denying placements on the basis of race, though good agencies help families prepare for questions of identity and culture.
Foster care in numbers
About 343,000 children were in US foster care on 30 September 2023, according to preliminary federal figures, a drop of almost 7% from the year before. In 2020, around a quarter of the children leaving care were adopted, and about a third of children in care lived with relatives, much as Farmer once did with his grandmother.
Behind these numbers are many older children and sibling groups who wait longest for permanent homes. That is the gap Farmer keeps asking people to fill. He describes older children as "diamonds in the rough" who still have many firsts ahead of them, from a first bike ride to a first day at a new school.
If you are thinking about fostering or adoption
Farmer's advice is to start with the child's needs: security, attention, stability and love. The practical first steps are usually similar wherever you live:
- Contact your state or county child welfare agency, or a licensed private agency, and ask for an information session.
- Expect pre-service training, background checks and a home study, in which a social worker gets to know you and your home.
- Think honestly about the ages and needs you can meet, and about your support network. Farmer often says that single parenting is very doable "with a village."
- Talk to foster and adoptive parents near you. Most agencies can connect you with support groups.
He describes fostering as a tribute to the grandmother he could never repay, a way of passing her kindness on to children who need it now.
Sources: TODAY: Single man who grew up in foster care adopts 3 boys; WTVR CBS 6: Single dad adopts 3 sons (4 December 2017); AdoptUSKids: Who can adopt and foster?; Wikipedia: Foster care in the United States; story first shared by Positive Outlooks.
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