Originally published 2020-05-04.
The best way to thank your mom for teaching you how to love is to be specific: name the moments when she showed up for you, the values she passed on and the sacrifices you only understood later. A heartfelt letter, a phone call or a handwritten card that mentions real memories will mean far more than a generic greeting. Below is our own tribute to mothers, followed by the history of Mother's Day, what research says about expressing gratitude, and practical ideas for writing a thank-you she will keep.
The childhood we only understand later
Think back to being small. Maybe you remember letting go of her hand a few steps before the school gate, embarrassed to be seen with your mother. Most of us did something like that. Looking back, it stings a little, because she almost certainly noticed and let you go anyway.
As children we take a mother's care for granted. She is simply there, the way the kitchen and the front door are there. Her rules can seem fussy and her worries exaggerated. Only when we grow up, pay our own bills and perhaps raise children of our own do we start to see what all that fussing really was: love in its most practical form, trying to keep us safe and prepare us for a world she could not control.
What many of us learned about love from our mothers
For many people, a mother is the first person who loves them before they have done anything to earn it. That early experience shapes how we treat others for the rest of our lives. Some of the lessons rarely get spoken aloud:
- Comfort. She cleaned up scraped knees after the playground, sat on the edge of the bed after nightmares and declared the closet free of monsters. We learned that someone could make fear smaller.
- Encouragement. Often she was the first to spot a talent, praise a drawing or drive us to practice, long before anyone else believed in it.
- Values. Respect, honesty, generosity and compassion are usually learned by watching, not by lectures. We picked them up from how she treated neighbours, strangers and family.
- Accepting imperfection. A good mother loves the whole child, flaws included. Many adults only learn to be kind to themselves because someone was kind to them first.
- Quiet sacrifice. She often put her own wants last and kept money worries and family troubles away from us, so childhood could stay light. We rarely saw how much effort that took.
And let us be honest: if she had ever fully worked out Instagram, she would probably be your favourite account to follow.
A thank-you letter to Mom
Here is our own small letter, written for every mother who held a family together.
Dear Mom,
Thank you. For loving me on the days I made it hard. For the sleep you lost and the plans you postponed so mine could happen. For knowing what I needed before I did, and for showing up even when I insisted I was fine.
Thank you for teaching me that my flaws are part of me, not a reason to hide. Thank you for believing in me when I gave up on myself, for pushing me to try again, and for celebrating small wins as if they were enormous.
Whatever kindness I bring into the world, I learned a lot of it from you. I am proud to be your child.
With love, always.
Where Mother's Day comes from
Thanking mothers is ancient, but the modern American Mother's Day has a clear origin. After her own mother, Ann Jarvis, died in 1905, Anna Jarvis campaigned for a day to honour mothers. The first official service was held on 10 May 1908 at Andrews Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia, with a larger event the same day at John Wanamaker's store in Philadelphia. In 1914 Congress set the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day, and President Woodrow Wilson signed it into law on 8 May.
The story has an ironic twist. Jarvis came to hate how commercial the holiday became. She spent much of her inheritance fighting it, criticised people who sent printed greeting cards instead of writing their own words, and was reportedly arrested in 1948 for disturbing the peace while protesting. Her complaint is worth remembering: what she wanted was personal appreciation, not shopping. Many countries mark Mother's Day on other dates, such as Mothering Sunday in the UK, but the spirit is the same.
Why saying thank you matters, for both of you
Gratitude is not just good manners. Researchers Joshua Brown and Joel Wong at Indiana University studied nearly 300 adults, mostly university students starting counselling. One group wrote a gratitude letter to someone each week for three weeks, a second group wrote about negative experiences, and a third did no writing. As reported by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, the gratitude writers reported significantly better mental health four and twelve weeks later than the other groups. Interestingly, only about a quarter of them actually sent their letters, and those who did not still benefited.
So writing to your mother may do you good even before she reads it. And for her, hearing in your own words what she gave you can be one of the most meaningful gifts you could offer.
How to write a thank-you she will keep
- Pick one or two real memories. A specific evening, a road trip, the way she handled a hard day. Detail makes it unmistakably yours.
- Name what you learned. Link the memory to a quality you carry now, such as patience, generosity or courage.
- Acknowledge what it cost her. Mention the sacrifices you only noticed as an adult.
- Write it by hand if you can. Anna Jarvis would approve, and a handwritten note is easier to keep in a drawer for years.
- Say it out loud too. A call or visit where you read the letter can be powerful, if that suits your relationship.
Not every relationship with a mother is simple. If yours was complicated, it is fine to thank her for what was good without pretending everything was perfect, or to direct your gratitude to a grandmother, stepmother, aunt or another woman who mothered you. If your mother has died, writing the letter anyway can still be a meaningful way to remember her.
To all the strong, tired, funny and endlessly patient women who raised us: thank you.
Sources: Wikipedia, Mother's Day (United States); Greater Good Science Center, How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain (Joshua Brown and Joel Wong).
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