First published February 27, 2019.
In the old days, when women used to be less likely to work and earn their own money, it was considered to be normal for the man to pick up the bill when on a romantic date. In some cultures, that hangover from the past is still the accepted norm, while in other places and among many couples, expectations differ, and splitting the bill or taking turns is common.
First dates might be an awkward social minefield in general, and that little ambiguity only adds to this confusion. Reddit user u/CuteBananaMuffin has recently shared his story, and it is fair to say that his date was the old-fashioned type. After he did the progressive (and frankly, fair) thing on their first date, he thought he’d try to ask her out again, as he thought it had gone pretty well. Perhaps it had, up until the fateful moment the restaurant bill appeared.
In the Messenger screenshots he shared, he asks her out again and she refuses because, as she puts it, he made her pay for her own food and drink. He replies that she had invited him, that his carbonara and beer came to €17.50 while her lobster and €80 wine came to €110 (roughly $126), and that he is a student, not her "sugar daddy". She answers that gentlemen always pay for a woman's food and questions his sexuality; he counters that he stayed through dinner while she talked about wanting to make out with another man. The exchange ends with her insulting him and him replying with a heart-hands meme. The lobster photo at the top is marked "not the actual photo" and only illustrates the story.
Here is what other people had to say about the exchange:
The bill exposes an unspoken expectation
The exchange is presented through one person's account, so it does not establish the full history or motives of everyone involved. What it clearly illustrates is how differently people may understand the same invitation. A price on a receipt can become an argument about courtesy, fairness or interest when those expectations have never been discussed.
Make the arrangement easier to understand
A simple conversation before ordering can prevent a guess from becoming a grievance. Suggesting separate bills, offering to treat someone or choosing a place that feels affordable can all be discussed without using payment as a test of character. The useful lesson is clarity and mutual respect, rather than assigning a universal rule to a gender or drawing conclusions about an entire culture from one online date story.
Jeez people do that shit these days cast spells ,iam on the run already.
ReplyDeleteThank gid it wasnt me