Originally published 2018-08-09.
Some of the most useful advice people ever get does not come from books or famous speakers. It comes from a grandparent at the kitchen table, a teacher after class, or a stranger at a swimming pool. A popular AskReddit thread from 2014 asked users what someone had once said to them that changed the way they think, and thousands answered.
Below are twenty-five of the most memorable replies, retold in our own words and grouped by theme, with a link to each original comment so you can read it in full. After them you will find where a few of these sayings really come from, and some ideas for turning a good sentence into an actual change in your life.
Courage, fear and starting late
1. Fear is not a reason to stop. A teenager was trying to coax a nervous six-year-old sister into diving at a public pool. An elderly woman swimming laps nearby paddled over, raised a fist and told the little girl: So be afraid! And then do it anyway!
The writer, loubird12500, says that thirty-five years later the lesson still holds: bravery means acting while scared, not waiting until the fear is gone.
2. You will reach that age either way. At 38, luckyhenry was talking himself out of a two-year radiography course because he would be 40 by the end. A friend replied: If you don't do it, you'll still be 40, but without the degree.
Two decades on, he credits that degree with giving him a decent living.
3. Start now, not next year. The shortest answer in the thread, from trytryagainn, simply pointed out that a year from today you will regret not beginning today.
4. Rejection is not the final verdict. After a week of college rejections, cranberry_hasselhoff heard from a father who writes books that Stanford had turned him down three times, and that his books now sit in Stanford's library.
5. Learning costs less than ignorance. vforviolet started taking school seriously after hearing that education may be costly, but going without it costs far more.
Mistakes, embarrassment and forgiveness
6. Things break when you work. At about ten, xumiz rushed through emptying the dishwasher so there would be more time for video games, and smashed the coffee pot. Close to tears, the child confessed. Dad, busy in the garden, calmly said that breakage is part of doing a job and not to worry. The writer still thinks of it almost daily: mistakes are the price of trying.
7. An expensive lesson is worth keeping. Toribor shared a story from a former boss, now a hospital CEO. As a young lab technician he skipped a check and wrecked equipment that cost around $250,000 to repair. Expecting to be fired, he was asked instead why he would be let go right after the company had paid so much to teach him. The takeaway: stay calm, focus on the problem, and people will learn rather than become defensive.
8. Nobody remembers your embarrassment but you. Bmonroet was asked to recall an embarrassing moment of their own, which is easy, and then one of somebody else's, which is surprisingly hard. Since other people forget, there is little point in fearing awkward moments.
9. Forgive for your own sake. Rickst75 grew up angry at a father who had left twice. A high school teacher asked whether the father actually felt any of that hatred. He did not, the teacher pointed out, but the son felt all of it, and he deserved better. Rickst75 forgave his father and says they are now close.
Love, family and teamwork
10. Be the right person. When faelsoss said he only wanted to meet the right partner, his girlfriend at the time replied that everyone is searching for the right person, while hardly anyone works on becoming one.
11. The two of you against the problem. Raised in a home where arguments meant personal attacks, catmaster711 brought those habits into a new marriage. Her husband stopped one fight by saying: It's not You Vs Me, love. It's You and Me Vs Problem.
She now applies it to every relationship.
12. A parent's love can be quiet. After a family friend lost a young child in a terrible accident, AnthraxyWaxy told a reserved father that such a risk made having children seem unbearable. The father answered that even a single minute with his child outweighed any pain a loss could bring. It changed the writer's mind about parenthood.
13. Older siblings teach without trying. Mutericator, the eldest of three, was told by a father from a family of eight that each choice an oldest child makes gets repeated by the younger ones, and that how a brother treats his little sister shapes what she will accept from others for life.
14. Your dog only has you. kwyjiboe was reminded that a dog is part of your life for a handful of years, while you are its entire life, so treat it kindly.
15. You are the one partner who never leaves. Zingiberly shared the reminder that people move away, change their minds or die, and the only person certain to be with you for life is yourself. So it is worth becoming someone you genuinely like, and not letting anyone else define you.
Grief, feelings and limits
16. Hold the panic for later. While DiffidentDissident's mother was dying, a friend advised saving the breakdown for afterwards, away from her bedside. It taught that strong feelings can be postponed when someone else needs you.
17. Sometimes crying is the right response. nxtplato kept urging a mother recovering in a nursing home to stay positive. One day she cried while listening to music, and when he begged her to stop, she gently asked whether crying might be exactly what she needed. Not every sadness has to be fixed.
18. You do not have to burn out for others. maeEast grew up mediating between parents and supporting friends in crisis. Hearing that nobody is obliged to set themselves alight just to keep others warm gave her permission to have limits.
19. Getting old means losing the people who understand you. Visiting a care home in his father's place, whynotminot met an elderly man who said the hardest part of age is outliving everyone who sees the world as you do.
20. Do what you want before it is too late. saltlakequeen recalled her grandfather, filmed at 89 a few months before he died, telling the family to do everything they wanted and ignore spiteful opinions, rather than end life full of regret.
Perspective and empathy
21. A wheelchair can mean freedom. RedheadBanshee met a wheelchair user who rejected the word "confined". Without the chair, he explained, he would be stuck in bed; the chair is what lets him leave the house.
22. Ask how it would feel. iNeedScissorsSixty7 grew up in a strict, conservative home and argued with a gay couple that being gay was a choice. They asked why anyone would choose constant mockery, judgement and unequal rights, and how he would feel in their place. That single question, he says, began a wider rethink of many beliefs.
23. Everyone can teach you something. maelfey's grandfather said each person you meet knows something you don't, which turns every conversation into a lesson.
24. Being right does not require a loser. ocktick offered a test of maturity: you can hold the correct view without needing to show the other person is wrong.
25. Feelings outlast words. Tinkletyme shared the well-known idea that people forget exactly what you told them, but remember how you made them feel.
Where some of these sayings come from
A few replies repeat sayings that existed long before Reddit, and they are often credited to the wrong person.
- "How you made them feel." This line is widely attributed to Maya Angelou, but Quote Investigator found no solid link to her. The earliest known version appears in a 1971 quotation book compiled by Richard L. Evans, which credits Carl W. Buehner, an official of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
- "The pen is mightier than the sword." Often called an ancient proverb, the phrase in that exact form was coined by the English writer Edward Bulwer-Lytton for his 1839 play Richelieu.
- Education versus ignorance. Versions of this idea circulate with many names attached; its true origin is uncertain.
- Setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. This appears on countless posters without a reliable original author, so treat any name attached to it with caution.
Getting the source right matters. A comment from an ordinary person carries its own authority: it worked for them, in a particular moment.
How to make good advice actually stick
Reading twenty-five wise sentences can feel inspiring and still change nothing. A few habits help.
- Choose one, not twenty-five. Pick the line that speaks to a problem you have right now, and ignore the rest for the moment.
- Attach it to a situation. Decide in advance when you will use it: "the next time we argue, I will treat it as us against the problem."
- Know its limits. Delaying your feelings helped one person by a hospital bed; in other moments, crying is healthier. Advice is a tool for a context, not a universal rule.
- Pass it on with credit. Tell the story behind it, and who said it, so the meaning stays attached.
Most of the best lines in this thread were said casually, without any idea they would last for decades. That is perhaps the real lesson: the next sentence that changes someone's life might be one you say without thinking.
Sources: AskReddit thread started by AWWWshetz and a later AskReddit thread on motivational words, with individual comments linked above; Quote Investigator; Wikipedia: The pen is mightier than the sword; compiled earlier by Bored Panda; cover photo by Pablo Manriquez on Flickr.
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