Originally published 2018-06-14.
Milly, who runs the Instagram account @selfloveclub, posted these two photos side by side to show that both versions of her were living with suicidal depression. Credit: Instagram/@selfloveclub.
Depression does not have one face. People living with it smile in photos, go to work, look after children, win pageants and dance at parties. That is the point of the #faceofdepression hashtag, which spread across Instagram, Facebook and Twitter in 2017 as people posted cheerful-looking pictures taken while they, or someone they loved, were struggling badly.
The twenty photos below come from that movement. Some were shared by people who survived and want others to know help works. Others were posted by parents, partners and friends of people who died by suicide, in the hope that someone else will reach out sooner. None of them offers a visual checklist. Their message is the opposite: you often cannot tell by looking.
Depression is common. The World Health Organization estimates that about 5% of adults, more than 300 million people, live with it, and that it is about one and a half times more common in women than in men. It is also treatable. If you recognise yourself in this article, the most useful next step is to talk to someone you trust and to a doctor.
If you are in crisis now: in the US call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland call Samaritans on 116 123; elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists free, confidential services by country.
Why depression is so easy to miss
Depression is more than sadness. Clinically, it means a low or empty mood, or a loss of interest and pleasure, lasting most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks. It often comes with poor sleep, changes in appetite or weight, exhaustion, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and sometimes thoughts of death.
Many of those symptoms are internal. A person can feel all of them and still turn up, joke and post a smiling selfie, sometimes because keeping up appearances feels like the only thing they can control. Many also believe their problems are "not bad enough" to deserve help, which keeps them silent for longer. Causes vary and usually overlap: genetics, loss, trauma, stress, physical illness and life changes can all play a part.
Photos 1 to 7: smiles, families and young lives
1. "You don't look suicidal." Milly of @selfloveclub shared these two photos after a doctor reportedly told her she did not look suicidal. She has said people only started to take her seriously after a suicide attempt. Her side-by-side post became one of the best-known images of the campaign. Credit: Instagram/@selfloveclub.
2. Chester Bennington with his family. Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington died by suicide on 20 July 2017, aged 41. In September 2017 his widow, Talinda Bennington, shared this sunny family photo, and around the same time she posted a video of him laughing with their children about 36 hours before his death. She has since campaigned on mental health using the hashtag #MakeChesterProud. Credit: Twitter/@TalindaB.
3. A father and son at a game. This father-and-son selfie was taken a few months before the 16-year-old died by suicide. His father now runs the @aBrendanThing account in his memory to encourage young people, and the adults around them, to talk openly about mental health. Credit: Twitter/@aBrendanThing.
4. Hospital bed and photo shoot. Instagram user @thesammichgirl posted a picture from a hospital stay next to a bright studio portrait, labelling both "suicidal". She wrote that people dismissed her illness because she did not seem the type. The pair shows how the version of us that others see can be very different from what we are living through. Credit: Instagram/@thesammichgirl.
5. A young man at home with his dog. His mother shared this ordinary moment in a comfortable family home, taken shortly before her son died by suicide. She posted it so other parents would understand that a loving home is not a guarantee, and that it is always worth asking directly how someone is. Credit: Facebook (shared publicly by his mother).
6. Ready for the daddy-daughter dance. Rayna Gawel shared this photo of her eight-year-old daughter, beaming with her corsage. The next night the girl attempted suicide and was treated in hospital in time; her mother wrote that she is now learning to manage her illness. Depression in young children is less common than in teenagers and adults, but it does happen, and paediatricians can help. Credit: Facebook/Rayna Gawel.
7. A mother and her toddler. The woman in this playful selfie was living with depression while raising her daughter. Love from family matters enormously, but it does not cure an illness on its own; treatment and support do. Credit: Facebook.
Photos 8 to 14: relationships, medication and recovery
8. A family day out on the river. A woman shared this canoe trip photo, taken about two weeks before her partner died by suicide. Nobody in the picture could have guessed what he was carrying. Many people who lose someone this way say the hardest part is how normal everything seemed. Credit: Facebook.
9. Jessica Woodard's car selfie. Jessica Woodard wrote that medication both helped save her life and, at one point, made her feel worse. That experience is not unusual: antidepressants can take weeks to work, side effects vary, and starting, changing or stopping them should always be done with a doctor. The WHO lists talking therapies as first-line treatment, with medication added for moderate or severe depression. Credit: Instagram/@jessica.woodard.sowards.
10. A young mother and her daughter. This mother shared a happy outdoor selfie with her little girl while she was struggling with depression. Some parents have depression before children arrive; others develop it during pregnancy or after birth. The WHO estimates that more than one in ten women who are pregnant or have just given birth experience depression. Credit: Facebook.
11. "Worthy of help. Still worthy of help." Danika Ransome captioned two selfies, one tearful and one made up and smiling, with the same message. Her point is simple: you do not have to look unwell, or reach rock bottom, to deserve care. Credit: Instagram/@my_mh_journey.
12. Feeding a newborn. A new mother posted this quiet moment with her sleeping baby while dealing with depression after the birth. Sleep loss, hormonal change and the pressure to feel only joy can all feed into it. Health visitors, midwives and family doctors see this every day and can help. Credit: Facebook.
13. Stefanie Reinsch's weight loss. Stefanie Reinsch shared before and after photos showing a weight loss of around 70 pounds in a little over a year. She explained that it was not a diet: depression had taken her appetite away, yet people kept congratulating her. Sudden changes in appetite or weight in either direction are a recognised symptom worth mentioning to a doctor. Credit: Instagram/@stefasings.
14. Coffee after therapy. This mother posted a calm selfie after a counselling session, having dropped her children at school first. Her post was about recovery rather than crisis: therapy gave her space to work through problems at a deeper level and change how she thinks about them. Credit: Facebook/Smokey Mirrors.
Photos 15 to 20: "having it all" and the life of the party
15. From school photo to pageant crown. Kristin Chucci, crowned in the Ms. Earth pageant, paired her childhood school portrait with a photo from her crowning to say she has lived with depression since she was young. Success, beauty and recognition do not make someone immune. Credit: Facebook/Ms. Earth.
16. Tears and a big smile. Instagram user @aubnutter posted a tearful selfie alongside a radiant one to show that depression and anxiety are not always visible. Plenty of people who seem to be the life of the party are struggling when they get home. Credit: Instagram/@aubnutter.
17. Laundry and dishes. In a second post, Milly of @selfloveclub showed the piles of clothes and unwashed dishes that build up when depression drains energy. Cooking, cleaning and personal care can feel impossible, which is often misread as laziness. Small, achievable tasks are a common starting point in therapy. Credit: Instagram/@selfloveclub.
18. After the night out. Instagram user @chrissiebm described getting dressed up and making it out of the door, only for her low mood to return during the evening. This smudged-make-up selfie captures how a good start to the day does not mean the illness has gone. Credit: Instagram/@chrissiebm.
19. A smiling couple. Zoe Vanmeter shared this happy photo with her partner, taken around the time she attempted suicide; her family found her in time. She posted it to encourage others to seek professional help, because the love of the people around her mattered but was not enough on its own. Credit: Facebook/Zoe Vanmeter.
20. Three friends and a selfie stick. Twitter user @katrina_namnam shared this cheerful photo of three friends and said that a few hours later one of them attempted suicide. Her message to anyone struggling: reach out, even if you are sure nobody will care, because people do. Credit: Twitter/@katrina_namnam.
Myths these photos challenge
- "You don't look depressed." Appearance tells you very little. Many people mask symptoms at work, at school and online.
- "They have everything, so why would they be depressed?" Depression is an illness, not a verdict on someone's life. Money, family and success do not prevent it.
- "Love will fix it." Support from family and partners helps recovery, but most people also need professional treatment.
- "Children can't be depressed." They can, though it may show as irritability, withdrawal or physical complaints rather than obvious sadness.
- "Talking about suicide puts the idea in someone's head." Research suggests that asking directly and calmly does not raise risk, and many people feel relief at being asked.
How to reach out, and what helps
If you are worried about someone, you do not need perfect words. Choose a quiet moment, say what you have noticed, and ask how they are really doing. Listen more than you advise. If they mention suicide, take it seriously, ask whether they are safe right now, stay with them if they are not, and help them contact a crisis line, a doctor or emergency services.
If you are the one struggling, start with one person: a friend, a family member, a GP or family doctor, or a helpline. Depression responds to treatment, usually talking therapy and sometimes medication, and most people improve. Asking for help is not a weakness; it is the step that every recovery story in this gallery has in common.
In the US, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text at any hour. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans answer on 116 123. Elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists services by country.
Sources: World Health Organization: Depression fact sheet; World Health Organization: Suicide fact sheet; WFTV, 18 September 2017: Chester Bennington's widow shares video; photos by the people credited in each caption, first collected by Providr.
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