20 Body Language Tips That Help People Warm to You

First published December 18, 2016.

Want people to warm to you more quickly? The most reliable body-language habits are simple: a genuine smile, comfortable eye contact (around three seconds at a time, then a natural glance away), an open and relaxed posture, a friendly handshake where handshakes are the norm, and paying attention to how much personal space the other person wants. None of these will make someone like you against their will, but together they signal interest, warmth and confidence, which makes good conversations easier to start.

Below are 20 practical habits, followed by what the research actually supports, the myths worth dropping, and how to use all of this without feeling like you are performing.

What body language can and can't do

You will often read that "93% of communication is nonverbal" or that "over half of what we say" comes through the body. These figures trace back to two small 1967 experiments by psychologist Albert Mehrabian, which looked at how people judged whether a speaker liked or disliked them when single spoken words clashed with tone of voice or facial expression. From those studies came the famous 7-38-55 split: words 7%, tone 38%, face 55%.

Mehrabian himself warned that the ratio only applies to feelings and attitudes, and mainly when words and signals contradict each other. It does not mean you can understand a lecture, a recipe or an argument without the words. Critics also point out that the studies used recorded single words, only women participants, and did not even include posture.

So the honest summary is this: body language strongly shapes first impressions and how warm or tense an interaction feels, especially when your words and your manner don't match. It is a powerful supporting act, not a mind-reading tool.

20 body-language habits that help people warm to you

Greetings and first moments

1. Smile as you walk in. Arriving with a relaxed, open expression sets the tone before anyone speaks.
2. Make the smile real. Genuine smiles reach the eyes. Recalling something that actually makes you happy helps more than forcing one.
3. Don't rush hellos. Give each person a moment of full attention before turning to the next.
4. Offer a comfortable handshake. Firm enough to feel engaged, never crushing; a common rule of thumb is about the grip you'd use to lift a pan by its handle.
5. Look at the person while you shake hands, rather than glancing past them to the room.

Face and eyes

6. Hold eye contact for a few seconds at a time. Around three seconds feels natural to most people; then look away briefly and come back.
7. Pair eye contact with a soft expression. A steady gaze plus a slight smile reads as warmth; a steady gaze with a blank face can feel like a stare.
8. Laugh only when it's real. A forced laugh is easy to spot. If a joke doesn't land for you, a friendly smile is enough.

Posture and stance

9. Stand or sit tall without stiffness. Imagine a thread gently lifting the crown of your head.
10. Avoid slumping or leaning heavily on walls, desks or counters during a conversation; it can read as boredom.
11. Plant your feet about hip-width apart. It looks settled and stops you swaying.
12. Engage your core lightly when standing, walking or sitting. It supports good posture and smoother movement.
13. Skip the puffed-up chest. Shoulders back and relaxed looks confident; an exaggerated chest-out stance looks defensive or aggressive.
14. Keep your arms relaxed and visible when you can. Folded arms are often just comfortable, but open arms remove any doubt.
15. Turn your feet and torso towards the person you are speaking with. Bodies angled towards the exit suggest you want to leave.

Space, mirroring and inner confidence

16. Move closer when someone invites closeness, for example by leaning in or stepping towards you.
17. Give space when someone signals they want it, such as leaning back, stepping away or turning slightly.
18. Let natural mirroring happen. Matching someone's general energy and pace helps rapport; copying every gesture does not.
19. Mirror posture subtly, if at all. If they relax back in their chair, it is fine to relax too, a few moments later.
20. Steady nerves privately. Before a meeting, quietly remind yourself of something you have done well. You don't need to mention it; it simply changes how you carry yourself.

What the research actually supports

Mirroring. Psychologists call unconscious imitation the "chameleon effect," after a 1999 study by Tanya Chartrand and John Bargh. People who are subtly mimicked tend to rate the interaction as smoother and the other person as more likeable, usually without noticing why. The key word is subtle. Mirroring happens naturally between friends and partners; deliberate, obvious copying tends to feel strange or even mocking.

Eye contact. In a 2016 study at London's Science Museum, researchers led by Nicola Binetti showed nearly 500 visitors from 56 countries video clips of actors gazing at them for different lengths of time. On average people preferred about 3.3 seconds, and most were comfortable somewhere between two and five seconds. Nobody preferred under one second or more than nine. The study used recordings rather than live conversation, so treat the number as a guide rather than a rule.

Personal space. Anthropologist Edward T. Hall described four "zones" in the 1960s: intimate, personal, social and public. In many Western settings, conversations between acquaintances happen at roughly 1.2 to 2 metres, while friends stand closer. Those distances vary a great deal by culture, age and relationship, which is why tips 16 and 17 are about reading the other person rather than hitting a fixed distance.

Smiling. Genuine smiles involve the muscles around the eyes as well as the mouth, and people are quite good at telling them apart from polite ones. That is why the advice is to think of something pleasant rather than to simply turn up the corners of your mouth.

Body-language myths worth dropping

• "Crossed arms always mean someone is closed off." Not reliably. People cross their arms when they are cold, tired, concentrating or simply comfortable. Read gestures in clusters and in context, never one at a time.
• "Looking away means someone is lying." There is no single gesture that reveals deception. Nervous honest people often avoid eye contact, and practised liars may hold it.
• "Power poses change your hormones." A well-known 2010 study claimed that standing in expansive poses raised testosterone and lowered cortisol. Larger replications found no hormonal effect, and the study's lead author, Dana Carney, said in 2016 that she no longer believed the effects were real. A 2022 meta-analysis did find that posture can modestly change how powerful or confident people feel, which is still worth something.
• "Most communication is nonverbal." As explained above, that figure comes from narrow experiments about feelings, not everyday conversation.

Culture, disability and comfort

None of these habits is universal. In parts of East Asia and West Africa, holding a senior person's gaze can come across as disrespectful, and lowering the eyes is polite. Handshakes vary from firm to very light, and in some communities people of different sexes do not shake hands at all. Preferred personal space differs widely between countries.

Many autistic people and people with social anxiety find sustained eye contact uncomfortable or distracting, and they may listen better while looking elsewhere. Disability, pain or fatigue can affect posture and handshakes too. A good rule is to adapt to the person in front of you and never judge someone's honesty or interest by whether they follow a checklist.

How to practise without feeling fake

Trying to manage 20 behaviours at once will make anyone stiff. Pick one or two habits for a week, such as smiling as you enter a room and turning your body towards whoever is speaking. Once they feel automatic, add another.

It also helps to shift attention away from yourself. When you are genuinely curious about the other person, much of the good body language arrives on its own: you lean in, your face relaxes and your eyes stay engaged. A line often attributed to author Cindy Ann Peterson puts it well: "Think of good posture as your body's projection of a positive message to those you meet." The message lands best when it is true.

Sources: Wikipedia: Albert Mehrabian; Wikipedia: Chameleon effect; BPS Research Digest: the length of eye contact people find most comfortable (Binetti et al., 2016); Wikipedia: Eye contact; Wikipedia: Proxemics; Wikipedia: Power posing. Original list: I Heart Intelligence.