Dating an Alpha Female: 10 Reasons She Makes a Great Partner

The Minds Journal

A self-assured, ambitious woman can seem intimidating at first meeting. She knows what she wants, says what she thinks and does not wait to be rescued. Spend time with her, though, and many partners discover that those same qualities make her one of the most honest, loyal and motivating people they could share a life with.

Below are ten reasons a so-called alpha female can be a wonderful girlfriend, along with a look at where the label comes from, what it gets wrong and what a relationship with a strong woman actually needs to thrive.

What people mean by "alpha female"

In everyday use, "alpha female" describes a woman who is confident, independent, driven and comfortable leading. It is a pop-culture label rather than a scientific personality type, and it is worth knowing where it comes from.

The word "alpha" was borrowed from early studies of wolves. Rudolf Schenkel's 1947 work described wolves competing for rank, but that research looked at captive animals that were not related to one another. Wild packs turned out to be families: a breeding pair and their offspring. Wolf biologist L. David Mech argued in 1999 that calling the parents "alphas" adds nothing, since any parent naturally leads its young, and that the term wrongly suggests a rigid, force-based hierarchy. Biologists now mostly avoid it.

That history is a useful reminder. The best version of the "alpha female" is not someone who dominates a partner. She is more like the wolf parent in a real pack: capable, protective and focused on the team doing well.

Reasons 1 to 4: honesty, growth and real choice

1. You always know who she really is

She does not play a softer, more fragile version of herself to win you over. What you see on the first date is broadly what you get a year later. Her self-respect matters more to her than making a smooth first impression, and that saves both of you a great deal of guesswork.

2. She pushes you to grow

If you have a goal, whether a career change, a fitness target or a project you keep putting off, she will be the one asking how it is going and helping you plan the next step. She wants her partner to succeed because she sees the relationship as a team, and teams do better when both players are winning.

3. Life with her is rarely dull

She works hard and she plays with the same energy. Weekends are more likely to involve a hike, a road trip or a night out with friends than a long stretch on the sofa. If you enjoy new experiences, being with her keeps the relationship lively and full of shared memories.

4. She wants you rather than needs you

She supports herself financially and emotionally, so she is not with you out of dependence. If she chooses you, it is simply because she likes your company and believes in what you build together. Being chosen like that, by someone who would be fine alone, is one of the most reassuring feelings in a relationship.

Reasons 5 to 7: how she handles everyday life

5. She does not nag

If a chore slips your mind, she is unlikely to spend the evening reminding you. She either handles it, raises it once in a straightforward way or lets small things go. She has bigger things to spend her energy on than a running list of your oversights.

6. She does not quit when things get hard

Rough patches come to every couple. She sees them as problems to solve rather than signs that the relationship is over. Her habit of meeting challenges head-on at work carries over into home life, which means she is more likely to suggest a solution than to walk away.

7. She is comfortable making the first move

Whether it is asking you out, planning the date or showing affection, she does not wait around for permission. Confidence in her own desires makes her an open and warm partner, and it takes a lot of pressure off the other person to always be the one who initiates.

Reasons 8 to 10: trust, self-care and loyalty

8. You do not have to worry about her

When she travels for work or spends a night out with friends, she can look after herself. That frees you from the role of rescuer and lets you both enjoy time apart without anxiety. Trust grows easily when neither person feels responsible for the other's safety every minute.

9. She takes care of herself

She tends to treat her health, her career and her personal goals as things worth investing in. She has lazy days like anyone else, but she does not stay stuck in a rut for long. That habit of self-care usually spills over into how she looks after the relationship too.

10. Her loyalty runs deep

Once she commits, she is firmly on your side. She will challenge you when you need it and back you when it counts. She sees a good relationship as a partnership worth protecting, and she brings the same drive to it that she brings to everything else she cares about.

What a strong woman needs from a partner

A relationship with a confident, independent woman works best when her partner is secure enough not to feel threatened by her success. A few things help:

• Respect for her ambition. Celebrate her wins instead of competing with them.
• Directness. She values clear communication, so say what you mean.
• Your own life. She is drawn to people with their own goals, friends and interests.
• Room to be soft. Strong people get tired and scared too. Being the one place she can drop the armour is a big part of being a good partner to her.

Myths about dating an alpha woman

"She will try to control you." Confidence and control are different things. A secure woman wants an equal, not someone to manage.

"She does not need affection." Independence does not cancel the need for warmth, kindness and attention. It just means she will not beg for them.

"Only one person can lead." Healthy couples share leadership depending on the situation. Two strong people can make an excellent team when they agree on where they are heading.

Labels like "alpha" are shorthand at best. What really makes her a great girlfriend is the combination of honesty, drive and loyalty, and those are qualities worth looking for in any partner.

Sources: Based on a list by Andrea Wesley first published on The Bolde; header image by The Minds Journal; Wikipedia: Pack (canine).