Are Men Intimidated by Smart Women? What the Research Shows

Originally published 2016-08-03.

Are men intimidated by smart women? The honest answer is: some men, in some situations, yes. But "most men are scared of smart women" goes much further than the evidence. The best-known research on the question, a 2015 set of studies from the University at Buffalo, found something more specific and more interesting. Men said they liked the idea of a partner who was smarter than them, yet when a real woman outperformed them face to face, many became less interested.

Below we explain what that research found, why closeness seems to change the picture, what it does not prove, and what to make of it if you are dating.

What the University at Buffalo study found

The research was led by psychologist Lora Park with colleagues Ariana Young and Paul Eastwick, and published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2015. It was a series of six studies involving roughly 650 young adults, most of them university students.

The studies moved step by step from the abstract to the real. In the early ones, men read about or imagined a woman who did better or worse than them in a subject such as maths or English. In those hypothetical conditions, men tended to rate the woman who outperformed them as more attractive and more desirable as a long-term partner.

The later studies brought in real interaction. Men took a test, were told how a woman in the same session had scored, and then met her. When they believed she had done better than them, they rated her as less attractive and were less keen to swap contact details or arrange a date. Press coverage at the time also highlighted a measure of physical distance: in one experiment, men outperformed by a woman reportedly sat farther away from her.

A further finding helps explain why. Men who were outperformed in front of a potential partner reported feeling less masculine. Park summed up the pattern by saying attraction depends on how intelligence and closeness interact, adding that in live meetings men "distanced themselves and were less attracted to a woman who outperformed them in intelligence."

Why closeness changes the picture

Psychologists have a long-standing explanation for this kind of reaction. When someone close to us beats us at something we care about, it can sting more than being beaten by a stranger, because it invites a direct comparison with ourselves. When the person is distant or hypothetical, their success can be admired without that threat.

Park made a related point about the subject matter. In her words, "The domain matters." A man who does not care much about his maths ability is unlikely to feel threatened by a woman who is better at maths. The reaction was strongest when the comparison touched an area that mattered to his self-image.

Cultural expectations are part of this too. Many men grow up with the idea that they should be the main earner or the more capable partner. When reality does not match that script, some feel uncomfortable, even if they agree in principle that equality is good.

What the research does not prove

It is easy to stretch a study like this into a bigger claim than it supports. A few cautions:

• It is not about "most men". The studies measured average shifts in ratings, not a rule that applies to every man. Many men are not put off at all.
• The samples were small and young. Some individual experiments involved around a hundred men, mostly students. Results from short laboratory meetings may not reflect how adults behave in long relationships.
• Being outscored on one test is not the same as being smart. The experiments created a specific, brief comparison. Real attraction depends on many traits, including humour, kindness and shared values.
• It does not cover height, income or confidence. Popular articles often bundle these together, but this research was about intellectual performance.

It is also worth remembering that real couples often pair similar people. Partners tend to be alike in education and many other characteristics, and in many countries women now outnumber men among university graduates, so plenty of men are in happy relationships with women who are better educated than they are.

Common myths about "intimidated" men

Dating advice sites often list "signs he is intimidated by you": he looks away, goes quiet, flirts by message but cools off in person, or stops replying. The trouble is that each of these behaviours has many possible explanations. Shyness, nerves, lack of chemistry, a busy week, or simply having met someone else are all just as likely.

Treating every fading date as proof that you were "too much" can be comforting, but it can also be misleading. A more useful question is whether the person is showing genuine interest and respect now, rather than trying to diagnose his hidden motives.

What to do with this if you are dating

The original advice on this site was that there is little point chasing closure from someone who backs away, and that still holds. If a person seems uncomfortable with your abilities, you do not need to shrink to fit. You can be kind, wish him well, and move on.

Psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, quoted in press coverage of the study, suggested advice for the other side: men who feel threatened can work on appreciating a partner's strengths instead of measuring themselves against her, and recognise that the discomfort comes from their own self-esteem rather than from anything she is doing wrong.

Some practical points that tend to help both partners:

• Look for people who are openly curious about your work and ideas, not just tolerant of them.
• Notice how someone reacts to your successes early on. Pride and interest are good signs.
• Value complementary strengths. Couples rarely match on every skill, and that is fine.
• If you feel competitive with a partner, talk about it. Naming the feeling often takes the sting out of it.

The bottom line

The research suggests that some men admire intelligent women more comfortably from a distance than across the table. That is a real and worthwhile finding, but it describes a tendency, not a law, and it says as much about how people handle comparison as it does about attraction.

For anyone dating, the takeaway is reassuring: the right partner will find your intelligence an asset. Openness, curiosity, respect and generosity are what make relationships last, and those qualities are worth looking for in someone else, whatever the scores on any test.

Sources: University at Buffalo, October 2015; Psychology Today, F. Diane Barth, January 2016; Wikipedia, Assortative mating; I Heart Intelligence, June 2016.