Originally published 2016-07-23.
Is a growing waistline a sign of a happy marriage? One well-known study suggests there is a real link. Researchers who followed 169 newlywed couples for four years found that spouses who were more satisfied with their marriage tended to put on more weight over time, while those who were unhappy, or thinking about separating, gained less. The extra weight was small, and the study looked only at early marriage, but the pattern was clear enough to make headlines around the world.
That does not mean you can judge a couple's happiness by their weight, or that gaining pounds proves love. Here is what the research measured, the leading explanation for the finding, its limits, and what it means for couples who want to stay both happy and healthy.
Shared meals, relaxed routines and less pressure to impress are often part of settled married life, which is one reason researchers wondered whether satisfaction and weight might move together.
The study behind the headline
The research was led by psychologist Andrea L. Meltzer, then an assistant professor at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and published in the journal Health Psychology in 2013. Her team recruited 169 couples who were in their first marriage and had wed within the previous six months.
For four years, the researchers checked in with every couple twice a year. Each time they recorded height and weight, which let them calculate body mass index, and asked a series of questions about how satisfied each partner felt with the marriage, how much stress they were under, and whether they had taken any steps toward divorce.
Following the same people over time is what makes this kind of study useful. Rather than comparing different couples at a single moment, the team could see how changes in satisfaction lined up with changes in weight within each marriage.
What the researchers found
Spouses who reported higher marital satisfaction showed a larger rise in body mass index over the four years. The link held even after the team accounted for factors that could muddy the picture, such as pregnancy. Partners who were less satisfied, or who had been considering separation, were noticeably less likely to gain weight.
Meltzer was careful about the size of the effect. "It was a relatively small amount of weight," she told reporters when the paper came out. The concern, she explained, was what could happen over decades rather than over four years.
It is also worth correcting a version of this story that spread widely online. Some articles claimed that couples who stayed slim went on to divorce. The study did not follow couples through divorce and did not show that. What it found was narrower: spouses who were unhappy or contemplating a split tended to gain less weight during the study period.
Why happiness might add pounds
Earlier studies had shown that marriage, on average, comes with some weight gain and divorce with some weight loss. Meltzer's team wanted to know whether the quality of a marriage made a difference, and tested two competing ideas.
The first idea, drawn from health research, is that a good relationship encourages good habits. Supportive partners remind each other to take medicine, see a doctor and look after themselves, so happier couples might be expected to stay healthier and slimmer.
The second idea comes from research on mate attraction. It suggests people manage their weight partly to stay attractive to potential partners. Someone secure in a satisfying marriage is not looking for a new partner, so may relax about appearance. Someone unhappy may, consciously or not, keep themselves ready to return to the dating market.
The results fitted the second explanation better. In the newlywed years at least, satisfaction appeared to reduce the pull to stay slim for appearance's sake rather than to boost healthy behaviour.
Limits of the research
Like any single study, this one has boundaries that are easy to lose in a catchy headline:
- It shows an association. Satisfaction and weight moved together, but the study cannot prove that happiness itself causes weight gain.
- It covers only the first four years. Whether the pattern continues, fades or reverses in long marriages was not tested.
- The sample was specific. All participants were newlyweds in a first marriage in the United States, so results may differ for other groups.
- Weight is influenced by many things. Age, work, children, sleep, health conditions and medication all play a part, and a couple's weight cannot be read as a scorecard of their relationship.
That last point matters. Weight gain can just as easily come with stress, illness or depression, and weight loss can come with good health habits in a very happy partnership. No number on a scale tells you how two people feel about each other.
Staying happy without the unwanted gain
The encouraging part of the research is what it says about security. Partners who feel accepted do not need to worry that they will be loved only for their looks, and that comfort is a genuine benefit of a good relationship.
The researchers' practical suggestion was to shift the reason for paying attention to weight. If satisfied couples think of it as a matter of health rather than attractiveness, they may avoid slowly gaining weight that, over a long marriage, can raise the risk of conditions such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease. As Meltzer put it, if a happy marriage lasts "20, 30, 40 years, it could potentially become unhealthy."
Some ideas couples often find workable:
- Turn time together into active time: evening walks, weekend hikes, dancing or a shared sport.
- Cook at home together, and keep large portions and frequent takeaways as treats rather than habits.
- Support each other's goals without criticism. Research on couples generally finds encouragement works better than nagging.
- Book regular check-ups. If weight or health is a worry, talk to a doctor together rather than relying on diet trends.
A comfortable, loving relationship is worth celebrating. Looking after each other's health is simply part of making sure there are many more years to enjoy it.
Sources: Southern Methodist University: Does this happy marriage make me look fat? (3 April 2013); Meltzer, A. L. and colleagues, Health Psychology, 2013 (PubMed record); CDC: About Healthy Weight and Growth. Originally shared from an article by Caithlin Pena on YourTango via Ideaspots.
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