8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong

When everything seems to fall apart at once, the most useful things to hold on to are simple: hard periods end, pain can teach you something, complaining does not move anything forward, and the next small step matters more than the whole staircase. Those ideas sit at the heart of eight reminders written by the self-help authors Marc and Angel Chernoff, and they still hold up well when you set them beside what psychologists know about resilience.

Below you will find each reminder explained in plain terms, the family story that inspired the list, what research actually says about recovering from bad times, a few myths worth dropping, and a short routine you can use on the days when getting out of bed already feels like an achievement.

The eight reminders at a glance

If you only have a minute, here is the short version:

1. Pain is part of growing. Difficult chapters often push us into changes we would never have chosen.
2. Everything in life is temporary. Good days pass, and so do terrible ones.
3. Worrying and complaining change nothing. Action, even a tiny one, does.
4. Your scars are symbols of your strength. A healed wound is proof that you came through.
5. Every little struggle is a step forward. Effort counts even when results are slow.
6. Other people's negativity is not your problem. How others behave says more about them than about you.
7. What is meant to be will find its way. Some things cannot be forced, only allowed.
8. The best thing you can do is keep going. Persistence beats perfection.

Robert Frost put the same spirit into a single line of his 1914 poem "A Servant to Servants", from the collection North of Boston: "The best way out is always through." Going around a problem rarely works for long; walking through it, step by step, usually does.

The hospital journal that started it

Marc Chernoff opened his original piece with a page from his grandmother's journal, dated September 1977. She was 69, in hospital and waiting for surgery to remove both breasts because of cancer. Rather than dwelling on her own fear, she wrote about the young patients wheeled past her room from the children's ward next door, and about feeling, in a strange way, fortunate.

Marc later explained that he kept a photocopy of that page pinned above his desk for years. For him it became a daily nudge toward gratitude: however bad your own situation looks, someone nearby is fighting a harder battle, and the life you have today is worth showing up for.

That framing matters. The reminders that follow are not about pretending problems away. They are about where you point your attention when you cannot change the problem itself.

Reminders one to four: pain, time, action and scars

1. Pain is part of growing

Many of the biggest turns in a life begin with something going wrong: a job lost, a relationship ending, a diagnosis. At the time it feels only like loss. Looking back, people often see that the crisis forced a decision they had been postponing. Struggling is not the same as failing; it is often the cost of moving from one stage of life to the next.

A practical way to use this idea is to ask, once the worst of the shock has passed, "What is this situation asking me to learn or change?" You do not need a neat answer straight away. The question alone shifts you from victim to participant.

2. Everything in life is temporary

Storms stop. Cuts close. Moods that feel permanent at 3 a.m. look different after breakfast and a walk. Our brains are poor at forecasting how long bad feelings will last, and we tend to overestimate it. Remembering that this, too, is a phase gives you permission to laugh at something small even in a hard week, and to enjoy good times fully without clinging to them.

3. Worrying and complaining change nothing

Venting to a friend can help you feel heard. Replaying the same grievance for days does not. The difference is whether talking leads anywhere. Try a simple rule: for every complaint, name one thing you can do about it, however small. Send the email. Book the appointment. Tidy one drawer. Gratitude helps here too: noticing the troubles you do not have is a quiet counterweight to the ones you do.

4. Your scars are symbols of your strength

A scar tells you two things: you were hurt, and you healed. The Chernoffs encourage readers to stop hiding old wounds, physical or emotional, and to see them as evidence of survival rather than as marks of shame. The thirteenth-century poet Rumi is often credited with the line "The wound is the place where the Light enters you," though it comes to us through loose modern English renderings rather than a precise translation. Whatever its exact wording, the image is useful: the place where you broke can also be the place where understanding comes in.

Reminders five to eight: effort, other people, letting go and persistence

5. Every little struggle is a step forward

Patience is often described as waiting, but in practice it means doing the work without seeing the payoff yet. Building anything worthwhile, from a business to a recovery, may cost comfort, sleep, familiar routines and the approval of people who prefer you as you were. That cost is easier to carry when you treat each hard day as progress rather than as a delay. The Chernoffs explore this further in their book 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.

6. Other people's negativity is not your problem

When someone is rude, dismissive or bitter, it is tempting to absorb it. Most of the time, though, their behaviour reflects their own stress, insecurity or bad day. You can take criticism seriously when it is useful and let the rest go. Change because it makes you a better person, not to win over someone who has already decided you are not enough. People will talk whatever you do, so you may as well do what you believe in.

7. What is meant to be will find its way

Some outcomes simply are not in your hands. Trying to control them can become its own source of exhaustion. Letting go does not mean giving up; it means doing your part well and then accepting that timing, other people and chance will play a role. Many people find that the place they end up is not the one they planned, yet it fits them better than the original destination would have.

The Chernoffs also point out that this kind of trust is learned through experience: taking chances, losing some, finding happiness in unexpected places, and keeping the memories that remind you it worked out before.

8. The best thing you can do is keep going

There will be stretches when it seems everything that can go wrong does. Those are exactly the moments to get back up, to try again and to keep your heart open even after a painful lesson. Some of life's most valuable understanding arrives at its worst moments. You do not have to be cheerful; you only have to take the next step.

What research says about bouncing back

The American Psychological Association describes resilience as the process of adapting well to adversity, trauma or major stress. Importantly, it treats resilience as a set of skills that can be learned rather than a fixed trait that some people are born with. The APA groups those skills into a handful of areas that map neatly onto the reminders above:

• Connection: keeping close relationships and accepting help when it is offered.
• Wellness: sleep, food, movement and calming practices such as journaling or meditation.
• Purpose: helping others, setting small achievable goals and taking practical steps on what you can influence.
• Healthy thinking: questioning catastrophic thoughts, accepting what cannot change and staying hopeful.

The idea that pain can lead to growth also has a research name. Psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun introduced the term post-traumatic growth in the 1990s to describe positive changes some people report after crises: closer relationships, new possibilities, a sense of personal strength, spiritual change and deeper appreciation of life. Researchers add an honest caveat, however. Much of the evidence relies on people's own reports, and some studies suggest that perceived growth can partly be a coping story rather than measurable change. Growth is possible, not guaranteed.

Myths about hard times worth letting go of

Myth: positive thinking alone will fix it. Optimism helps, but forced cheerfulness can make people feel worse, as if their sadness were a personal failure. It is fine to feel low and still take a small step.

Myth: strong people handle things alone. The research on resilience points the other way. Leaning on friends, family, community or faith groups is one of the most reliable buffers we have.

Myth: every hardship happens for a reason. Some events are simply unfair. You can find meaning in how you respond without believing the event itself was deserved or designed.

Myth: if you are still struggling, you are doing it wrong. Recovery is rarely a straight line. Good weeks are followed by bad days, and that is normal. If low mood, anxiety or exhaustion stops you from functioning day to day, talk to a doctor or a licensed mental health professional; asking for help is part of resilience, not a sign it has failed.

A simple routine for rough stretches

The original article ended with a short daily list. Here is a version you can stick on the fridge, with a reason for each item:

• Start with one hopeful thought. Name one thing that is going right, however small.
• Eat something decent. Stress makes skipping meals or grazing on junk easy, and both drain energy.
• Move your body. A short walk counts and often lifts mood within the hour.
• Put worries on paper. Write them down, circle the ones you can act on today, and park the rest.
• Do one piece of meaningful work. Progress on a single task restores a sense of control.
• Find something to laugh at. A friend, a silly video, a memory.
• Protect your sleep. Tired minds catastrophise; rested ones cope.

Then do it again tomorrow. Not perfectly, just again.

What keeps you going when everything seems to be going wrong? The reminders above are a starting point, but the ones that work best are often the ones you discover for yourself and share with someone who needs them.

Sources: Original list by Marc and Angel Chernoff, Marc and Angel Hack Life; American Psychological Association, Building your resilience; Wikipedia, Post-traumatic growth; Wikipedia, North of Boston (Robert Frost).