18 Rules for Living Credited to the Dalai Lama: Where They Come From

Photo: Tibetan Review

The popular list of "18 Rules for Living" was not written by the Dalai Lama. It has been shared under his name since about 2000, often with the claim that he issued it at the turn of the millennium, but fact-checkers traced it to a chain email. That email borrowed its advice, in shortened form, from H. Jackson Brown Jr.'s 1991 bestseller Life's Little Instruction Book. The advice itself is gentle and often sensible, so below you will find each rule explained in plain words, along with what the Dalai Lama really has written about living well and about peace.

In this article · 5 sections

1. Where the 18 rules really come from
2. The 18 rules in plain words
3. What the Dalai Lama actually wrote about living well
4. Who the Dalai Lama is
5. How to check a quote before you share it

Where the 18 rules really come from

The fact-checking site Snopes, which rates the attribution false, describes a clear chain of copying. In 1999 a list of 45 life tips circulated online. By 2000 a trimmed version with 18 items was travelling by email as "Instructions for Life", attached to an ASCII-art picture called a "Nepalese good luck totem". Recipients were told to forward the message within 96 hours if they wanted good fortune to come their way. Somewhere along the way the Dalai Lama's name was added, presumably because it made the advice sound wiser.

The 45-item list was in turn a cut-down version of Life's Little Instruction Book. Its author, H. Jackson Brown Jr. (1940–2021) of Nashville, Tennessee, wrote it as a going-away present for his son Adam, who was leaving for college. The book's 511 short reminders became a worldwide hit. It spent more than two years on The New York Times bestseller list, over a year of that at number one, and was the first book to top the list in hardback and paperback at the same time.

So the honest credit for most of these ideas goes to an American father writing to his son, not to a Tibetan monk. That does not make the advice worthless. It just means it should be quoted accurately.

The 18 rules in plain words

Here is the substance of each rule as it circulates, with a short note on what it means in daily life.

1. Big rewards come with big risks. Deep love and real accomplishment both require you to accept that you might fail or be hurt.
2. Learn from every defeat. Losing hurts less when you leave with something useful, such as a lesson about preparation or judgement.
3. The three Rs. Respect yourself, respect other people, and take responsibility for what you do.
4. Disappointment can be lucky. Some things we badly want would have been bad for us. Hindsight often reveals the closed door as a gift.
5. Know the rules before bending them. Creativity works best when you understand why a convention exists before you challenge it.
6. Protect friendships from small quarrels. A petty argument is rarely worth losing someone who has stood by you for years.
7. Fix mistakes quickly. Admitting an error early and putting it right costs far less than defending it.
8. Make room for solitude. A little quiet time each day helps you think, rest and notice how you really feel.
9. Welcome change, keep your principles. Adapt your methods and habits, but hold on to the values that make you who you are.
10. Silence can answer. Not every provocation needs a reply, and sometimes saying nothing is the kindest or wisest response.
11. Live so your memories are a pleasure. An honest, decent life gives you something to enjoy again when you look back on it.
12. Home sets the tone. A warm, affectionate household is the foundation everything else is built on.
13. Argue about now, not then. When you disagree with someone you love, stick to the issue at hand and leave old grievances out of it.
14. Pass on what you know. Teaching others lets part of you live on after you are gone.
15. Treat the planet kindly. Small, careful choices add up for the natural world we all share.
16. Go somewhere new every year. Travel, even nearby, keeps curiosity alive and widens your view of other people.
17. Love more than you need. The healthiest relationships are built on affection and choice rather than dependence.
18. Measure success by its cost. Ask what you sacrificed to reach a goal, and whether it was worth it.

Video: the 18 rules, as shared online

(The video originally embedded here is no longer available on YouTube.)

What the Dalai Lama actually wrote about living well

The passage that often appears above the list in online versions really is his. It comes from "A Human Approach to World Peace", a short booklet he wrote in the 1980s and which is published on his official website. Its argument is very different in tone from a list of tips.

He begins by asking whether modern progress has truly made people happier. Science and technology, he notes, have not ended suffering or brought lasting peace. Some problems, like natural disasters, must simply be faced calmly. Many others are man-made, born of misunderstanding and of rivalry between political and religious ideologies, and those can be solved. His central point is that every religion and political system exists to serve human happiness, so none should be put above people. In his words, "the supremacy of humanity over matter and ideology must always be maintained."

He also identifies what he saw as the single greatest danger to all living beings: nuclear war. He appeals to leaders, scientists and ordinary citizens to work towards dismantling nuclear weapons, arguing that, unlike many problems, this one has a known cause and a known cure. One line from the essay is often quoted: "We know that in the event of a nuclear war there will be no victors because there will be no survivors!"

The rest of the booklet builds on two ideas he returns to throughout his teaching. The first is universal responsibility: in an interdependent world, pursuing only national or personal self-interest ends up harming everyone, so we need a "wise" self-interest that includes others. The second is compassion, which he calls the pillar of world peace. He distinguishes attachment, which fades when circumstances change, from a steady wish for others' wellbeing that can even include enemies. He also argues that the world's religions share the same core ethics, and that the goal of interfaith dialogue is understanding rather than conversion.

Who the Dalai Lama is

The current, 14th Dalai Lama was born Lhamo Thondup on 6 July 1935 in Taktser, in the Amdo region of north-eastern Tibet, and was recognised as a small child as the reincarnation of his predecessor. He is known by his religious name, Tenzin Gyatso. In 1959, after a failed uprising against Chinese rule, he fled to India, where he set up a government in exile, first in Mussoorie and then in Dharamshala, his home ever since.

He received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 for his non-violent campaign for Tibet. In 2011 he gave up his political role to an elected Tibetan leadership. In July 2025, at the age of 90, he confirmed that the institution of the Dalai Lama will continue after his death and that only his own Gaden Phodrang Foundation has the authority to recognise his successor, a position China rejects. His own books, such as Ethics for the New Millennium, are a better guide to his thinking than any viral list.

How to check a quote before you share it

Famous names attract borrowed words. The Dalai Lama, Albert Einstein, Gandhi and the Buddha are among the people most often credited with things they never said. A few habits help:

• Look for an original source. A genuine quote can usually be traced to a book, speech, interview or official website, with a date.
• Be wary of round-number lists. "18 rules", "10 commandments for happiness" and similar formats are common in chain messages and rarely come from the person named.
• Check the style. The Dalai Lama writes in long, reasoned passages about compassion and interdependence. Snappy self-help one-liners are not his usual voice.
• Use fact-checking sites. Snopes, Quote Investigator and Wikiquote all track misattributed sayings.

The 18 rules can still be worth reading. Just credit them to their real roots, and turn to the Dalai Lama's own writing if you want his ideas.

Sources: Snopes: "Instructions for Life" chain email attributed to the Dalai Lama (rated False); The Office of His Holiness the Dalai Lama: A Human Approach to World Peace; Wikipedia: H. Jackson Brown Jr.; Wikipedia: 14th Dalai Lama. Earlier versions of this list were circulated online by Gregg Prescott of BodyMindSoulSpirit. Photo: Tibetan Review.

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