Originally published 2021-01-27.
Children whose grandparents are actively involved in their lives tend to show better wellbeing and fewer emotional and behavioural problems. That was the central finding of research led by Professor Ann Buchanan at the University of Oxford, which drew on surveys of more than 1,500 children. The link was especially strong for teenagers whose parents had separated or divorced. Similar conclusions have come from researchers in the United States and Israel.
The key word is involved. Buchanan's team found that simply feeling close to a grandparent was not enough on its own; the benefit was linked to grandparents who took an active part in children's lives.
What the Oxford research found
Buchanan, of Oxford's Department of Social Policy and Intervention, looked at how often grandparents were involved with their grandchildren and compared it with measures of the children's wellbeing and adjustment. Her work, funded by the Economic and Social Research Council, reported that:
- children with high levels of grandparental involvement had better overall wellbeing;
- the same children showed fewer emotional and behavioural difficulties;
- the association held across different family types, but was strongest for adolescents from separated or divorced families;
- grandfathers mattered in their own right, independently of grandmothers, with grandfathers more often involved through activities and mentoring and grandmothers more often through nurturing.
Earlier summaries of the research also describe grandparents as people children turned to during family upheaval, and as a source of advice that helped young people think through problems and plans for the future.
Buchanan used the findings to argue that UK family policy largely ignores grandparents. In England, grandparents have no automatic legal right to see their grandchildren, even though many provide regular care. She wrote to parliamentary parties to raise the issue and later edited the book Grandfathers: Global Perspectives, which collects research from several countries.
Why involved grandparents may help
Studies like this show associations, not proof of cause and effect. Still, researchers suggest several plausible reasons why an engaged grandparent could make a difference.
Another trusted adult
When parents are arguing, separating or under heavy stress, a grandparent can offer a calm, familiar person who is outside the conflict. For a teenager, that can mean someone to talk to who is not "taking sides".
More supervision and time
Many parents work long hours. A grandparent who collects children from school or spends afternoons with them reduces the time a child spends alone and can notice early when something is wrong.
Stories and perspective
Sociologist Sara Moorman of Boston College, who has studied grandparent and grandchild relationships, has noted that "grandparents have a wealth of experience". Hearing how older relatives coped with hardship, work and change can give young people a wider view of their own problems and of family history.
More viewpoints
Children who regularly spend time with several adults meet more ways of solving problems, expressing feelings and dealing with disagreement. Some researchers link this to stronger social and emotional skills, although this is harder to measure.
Does grandparent care benefit grandparents too?
Popular articles often claim that grandparents who help raise their grandchildren live longer. The picture is more mixed than that headline suggests, and the Oxford research itself did not make a longevity claim.
Some studies do link moderate grandparent caregiving with better cognitive function and more physical activity, and frequent contact with grandchildren has been associated with slower cognitive ageing. But research also shows that heavy caregiving can strain grandparents' health. In some studies, grandparents carrying large childcare responsibilities report more heart problems, high blood pressure, pain, anxiety and depression. The difference often seems to lie in the amount and the circumstances: occasional, chosen involvement tends to look healthier than full-time care taken on in a family crisis.
So a fair summary is that being part of grandchildren's lives can be good for older people, provided the load is manageable.
The myth of the spoiling grandparent
A common worry is that grandparents undermine parents by ignoring rules, handing out sweets and letting children stay up late. The Oxford findings do not support the idea that involved grandparents harm children's behaviour; if anything, high involvement went with fewer behavioural problems.
One explanation often suggested is that "spoiling" is more typical of grandparents who see children rarely and want every visit to feel like a treat. Grandparents who are part of everyday routines are more likely to follow the family's normal rules, simply because they are part of ordinary life rather than special occasions.
That said, research is not uniformly positive. Some studies have linked heavy grandparent care of very young children to slightly more hyperactivity or peer difficulties, and others to higher rates of childhood obesity. These findings are a reminder that the quality of care, and good communication between parents and grandparents, matter more than the label.
How common is grandparent involvement?
Grandparents are a major source of childcare in many countries. Research summaries suggest that in Britain around six in ten grandparents help look after grandchildren under 16, and across eleven European countries more than 40% of grandparents care for grandchildren when parents are away. In the United States, about one child in ten lives in a household that includes a grandparent. Rising life expectancy means that more children today grow up knowing their grandparents for longer than earlier generations did.
A figure that circulated widely with this story, that only one grandparent in three plays a major role in raising grandchildren, was not linked to any named survey, so it is best treated with caution.
Practical ideas for families
Shalhevet Attar-Schwartz of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, who has also researched grandparents and adolescents, has described parents as gatekeepers of the relationship and urged them to see grandparents as "an important resource in their children's lives", particularly during family change. A few practical points follow from the research:
- Protect the relationship during a separation. Where it is safe, keeping children in touch with both sides of the family can give them stability when much else is changing.
- Agree on the basics. A short conversation about bedtimes, screens and food prevents most conflicts.
- Use distance creatively. Regular video calls, shared reading or a weekly phone chat can keep a bond alive across countries.
- Do not overload grandparents. Help is valuable, but full-time care can exhaust older relatives; it is worth talking openly about limits.
- Remember other trusted adults. Children without living or available grandparents are not doomed to be less secure. Aunts, uncles, family friends, mentors and neighbours can play a similar role. What matters most is a warm, reliable relationship.
Sources: University of Oxford, "Grandparents contribute to children's wellbeing"; Grandparent (Wikipedia); Positive Outlooks (quotes from Sara Moorman and Shalhevet Attar-Schwartz).
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