Originally published 2019-10-14.
Does having an older sister really make you happier? Research suggests sisters, and siblings in general, can make a real difference. A well-known Brigham Young University study found that teenagers with a sister reported feeling less lonely, unloved, guilty, self-conscious and fearful, and that affection between siblings was linked to kinder behaviour. Other research ties growing up with more brothers and sisters to a slightly lower risk of divorce later in life. None of this guarantees anything for a single family, but it helps explain why so many people describe their big sister as one of the most important people in their lives.
What the research on sisters actually found
The study most often quoted on this topic was led by Laura Padilla-Walker of BYU's School of Family Life, with James Harper and Alex Jensen, and published in the Journal of Family Psychology in 2010. The team followed 395 families with at least one child aged 10 to 14 and checked in again a year later.
Young people who had a sister were less likely to report feeling lonely, unloved, guilty, self-conscious or fearful. Interestingly, it did not matter whether the sister was older or younger. Sibling affection of either gender was associated with good deeds, such as helping a neighbour, and that link was about twice as strong as the link with parenting. The researchers also noted that a lack of warmth between siblings seemed to be a bigger problem than ordinary squabbling.
A myth worth correcting: you may have read that psychologists have proven sisters make you mentally stable or more optimistic. The studies show associations in groups of families, not a rule for every person. Brothers, cousins, close friends and other caring adults can play similar roles.
Why big sisters often had it harder
Many older siblings will tell you their parents were stricter with them, and there is some evidence for that. In a 2008 paper in the Economic Journal, economists V. Joseph Hotz, Lingxin Hao and Ginger Zhe Jin used US national survey data to model how parents treat their children. Their findings suggest parents were more likely to cut off support for an older child who dropped out of high school, or a daughter who became pregnant, than for a younger child in the same situation.
Their explanation is about reputation. By being tough on the first child, parents send a warning to the younger ones. As the younger children reach their teens, that motive fades, so later-born children may get more leeway. In other words, your older sister may have absorbed some of the rules that made your own teenage years a little easier.
Learning from the one who went first
Younger children naturally watch and copy older siblings. A big sister often demonstrates things before you try them yourself: how to handle a new school, how to talk to a teacher, how to recover from a breakup. That modelling can support social and emotional development, and it works both ways, because teaching a younger sibling also builds patience and confidence in the older one.
Siblings also give each other daily practice in negotiation. Sharing a room, a computer or the last slice of pizza forces children to compromise, see another point of view and make up after an argument. These are the same skills that matter later in friendships, workplaces and romantic relationships.
Do siblings affect your future marriage?
In 2013 sociologists Doug Downey, Donna Bobbitt-Zeher and Joseph Merry of Ohio State University analysed data from about 57,000 American adults in the General Social Survey, collected between 1972 and 2012. Each additional sibling was linked to roughly a 2 percent lower likelihood of divorce, up to about seven siblings.
It is easy to overstate this. The study looked at the number of siblings, not at sisters in particular, and the difference between an only child and someone with one or two siblings was small. The authors suggested that growing up with more brothers and sisters may give children extra practice in dealing with conflict. They also stressed that sibling count is only one of many factors in whether a marriage lasts.
A bond that lasts into adulthood
For many people, a sibling relationship is the longest one of their life, outlasting parents and often beginning before friendships or partners. Studies of older adults have reported that warm sibling ties are associated with better mood and wellbeing in later life, while distant or hostile relationships can be a source of stress.
An older sister can be a confidante you turn to before your parents, someone who remembers the same childhood and can read your mood at a glance. Those bonds do not stay fixed, though. Moves, marriages, children and old rivalries all change them, and many adult siblings find they have to choose to stay close.
Ways to strengthen your relationship with your sister
- Say thank you. If she paved the way for you, tell her. Older siblings rarely hear it.
- Update the roles. Childhood patterns, such as the responsible one and the baby, can linger. Ask how she would like your relationship to look now.
- Make contact easy. A regular call, a shared chat or a yearly trip can keep you connected through busy seasons.
- Repair old conflicts. Research suggests a lack of warmth does more harm than occasional fights, so a sincere apology or a fresh start can be worth it.
And if you are the older sister reading this, remember that much of what you do is being watched and learned from, often more than you realise.
Sources: BYU News: Sisters give siblings better mental health, study shows; Ohio State News: More siblings means less chance of divorce as adult; Duke Today: Parents punish older children to deter younger ones.
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