Originally published 2018-09-18.
The line that went viral in 2018, set over a stock photo of a veterinary team examining a dog.
Many owners wonder whether they should stay in the room when their pet is put to sleep. There is no single right answer. Research suggests that owners who stay often find it easier to accept the loss and report fewer regrets, but people differ in what they can bear, and a pet can still be comforted by a caring veterinary team. What matters most is thinking about it before the day comes.
The question reached millions of people in July 2018 because of one short conversation between a pet owner and her vet. This is what was said, how people responded and what is actually known.
The tweet that started it
Jessi Dietrich, from Jacksonville, Illinois, asked her vet what the hardest part of his job was. On 27 July 2018 she posted his answer on Twitter: when he has to put an animal down, he said, about 90 percent of owners do not want to be in the room, so the animal’s final moments are often spent searching for them. She wrote that this broke her.
The post was liked more than 140,000 times and shared tens of thousands of times within weeks, and was picked up by news sites in several languages.
A veterinary team at work. Euthanasia is one of the most emotionally demanding parts of veterinary practice, and many clinics now train staff specifically in end-of-life care. Photo: iStock / skynesher
Jessi Dietrich’s original tweet, posted on 27 July 2018. The number came from her vet’s experience in his own practice, not from a study.
Later that day she added that she planned to hold her cat, Rick, when his time came, with his favourite toys and plenty of ear scratches.
The next day, surprised by the reaction, she wrote that she had not meant to upset anyone and only wanted to raise awareness.
Rick, the cat behind the story
Dietrich told Bored Panda that she had just one pet, a black-and-white cat called Rick, then about two and a half years old and weighing roughly five pounds. A year and a half earlier he had nearly died from a urinary blockage, a serious emergency that is especially common in male cats. Surgery saved him, but it left him prone to infections, which meant frequent visits to the vet.
Those visits are why she was chatting with her vet in the first place, and why the question of the last goodbye felt so real to her. She later stressed that she had not meant to guilt anyone into staying, or to make people feel bad about choices they had made for earlier pets.
A clinic’s plea and the reactions
Around the same time, a long Facebook post circulated that had been written by veterinary staff and shared by Hillcrest Veterinary Hospital, reportedly a clinic in South Africa. It urged owners not to leave their pets alone at the end, arguing that an animal that has spent its whole life focused on its family will look for them in a room full of strangers.
The opening of the widely shared Facebook post, which reminds owners that they have been the centre of their pet’s world.
The post acknowledges that the decision is painful, then begs owners not to leave their animals to die among strangers.
Its central claim, written in capitals: that pets search every face in the room for their person.
The post ends in strong words aimed at owners who leave, which is one reason it divided readers, including vets.
Thousands of people replied. Many shared their own memories of holding a pet at the end; others were angry at owners who leave. But some of the most thoughtful replies came from people who work in clinics.
A reader says she was moved to tears and compares leaving a pet to leaving a family member at a deathbed.
An owner who has said goodbye to several small dogs says she cried throughout but would never have left them with strangers, however kind.
A reader recalls holding her 20-year-old Siamese cat as he died, and still missing him every day.
A couple who stood by their dogs, stroking and talking to them, says it was painful but that their pets deserved it.
One owner describes going with her dog while she was herself in a wheelchair and undergoing chemotherapy.
Another reply argues that pets have earned respect for their loyalty right to the end.
Some replies were harsh, calling owners who leave selfish. This is exactly the kind of judgement that many vets warn against.
An owner who has held many pets at the end explains that the goal is for the animal not to be scared.
What veterinary staff said
Replies from people in the profession were more nuanced. A veterinary technician wrote that helping owners feel comforted is part of her job, and that she counts it an honour to stay with an animal when an owner cannot. A practice worker with ten years’ experience said she prefers owners to stay, but promised that staff stroke and talk to every pet whose owner leaves.
A vet tech describes the process as part of her job and says she is honoured to stay with an animal whose owner cannot.
A veterinary worker of ten years reassures owners that staff will comfort, stroke and talk to their pet if they are not there.
A vet calls such posts guilt-inducing and suggests that if pets are frightened in a clinic’s care, the clinic needs to improve.
A vet nurse says she has never seen an animal frantically searching, that pets are made comfortable and sedated if needed, and that it is not for staff to judge owners.
What research actually says
The “90 percent” figure was one vet’s impression of his own clients, not a measured statistic, and it should not be read as a fact about all owners. Studies paint a more mixed picture. A 2019 survey by Adrian and Stitt, published in the journal Anthrozoös and summarised by bioethicist Jessica Pierce, found that 34 percent of respondents had chosen to be present for their pet’s euthanasia and 50 percent had not.
The same research found that being present was linked to greater acceptance of the death, while owners who were absent reported more regret. Pierce notes that she often hears from people who regret leaving but has never heard anyone regret staying. She also stresses that it is a personal decision with no right or wrong answer.
Whether animals truly search for absent owners is harder to know. No study we could find has measured it, and the vet nurses quoted above describe calm, sedated patients. It is fair to say that many pets are reassured by familiar voices and touch, and equally fair to say that a skilled, gentle team can provide real comfort when an owner cannot.
How to plan a gentle goodbye
- Decide ahead of time. Think about whether you want to stay for all of it, part of it or none of it, so the choice is not made in panic.
- Ask your vet to explain each step. Many clinics give a sedative first, so the pet is relaxed or asleep before the final injection. Knowing what will happen makes it less frightening.
- Ask about the setting. Some clinics have a quiet room or a side entrance, and some vets offer home visits.
- Bring comfort. A favourite blanket, toy or treat can help your pet, and you.
- It is fine to step out. If your distress would upset your pet, saying goodbye beforehand and letting the team take over can be the kinder choice. Leaving does not cancel years of love and care.
- Look after yourself afterwards. Grief for a pet is real. Talk to friends, a pet-loss support line or a doctor if it becomes overwhelming.
Common misunderstandings
“If you leave, you didn’t love them.” Not true. People make this choice for many reasons, including past trauma, health or simply not being able to cope, and the clinic staff will not leave your pet alone.
“Most owners leave.” The best available survey suggests roughly a third stay, so it is common either way. Neither choice is unusual.
“Staying will be too traumatic to bear.” Many owners fear this, yet studies suggest that being present often helps acceptance. If you are unsure, talk it through with your vet beforehand.
Sources: Jessi Dietrich on X, 27 July 2018; Bored Panda interview; BioBioChile, 11 September 2018; Jessica Pierce, Psychology Today, October 2019.
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