Originally published 2017-10-24.
Do men really find smart women less attractive? A 2015 study led by psychologist Lora Park at the University at Buffalo gives a more interesting answer than a simple yes or no. In theory, the men in her studies said they liked the idea of a partner who was smarter than them. In person, when a woman actually beat them on a test they cared about, many felt less drawn to her and put more distance between themselves and her.
The key word is distance. How a man reacted depended on whether the clever woman was an imagined, faraway figure or a real person sitting in the same room. Here is what the research did, what it found, what it does not prove, and why the result matters for anyone dating, working or living with people who are better at something than they are.
The study in brief
The paper, titled "(Psychological) Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: Effects of Psychological Distance and Relative Intelligence on Men's Attraction to Women", appeared in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in November 2015. Its authors were psychologists Lora E. Park (University at Buffalo), Ariana F. Young (California Lutheran University) and Paul W. Eastwick (University of Texas at Austin).
Across six separate studies with about 650 young adults, the team looked at two things at once:
- Relative intelligence: whether a woman appeared to do better or worse than the man on a test of intelligence, such as maths or verbal ability.
- Psychological distance: whether the woman was hypothetical, someone the man expected to meet later, or someone he was actually interacting with.
Some studies used imagined scenarios. Others told participants that a woman in another room had outperformed them, and in some, men and women met face to face after taking a test.
What the researchers found
When the woman was distant or imaginary, men leaned on their ideals. They said they preferred a woman more intelligent than themselves. Being smart sounds attractive in the abstract, and most people like to think of themselves as wanting a capable partner.
When the woman was close and real, the picture flipped. Men who had just been outscored by a woman in a live setting felt less attracted to her and distanced themselves from her, in one setup literally choosing to sit further away, compared with men who had outscored the woman.
Park explained the split simply: men "rely on their ideal preferences when a woman is hypothetical or imagined." Up close, concrete details of the moment take over, including how it feels to have just lost.
The researchers also noted the effect seemed to appear when the skill being tested actually mattered to the man. If he did not care much about, say, maths, losing to a woman at it did not sting in the same way.
About that "86%" figure
Older articles about this research often say that 86% of men claimed they would be comfortable dating a smarter woman. That number does not appear in the University at Buffalo summary or in the study abstract, so treat it with caution. The core finding does not depend on any single percentage: stated ideals and in-the-moment reactions did not match.
Why would being outscored feel threatening?
The study measured reactions rather than reasons, but social psychology offers several likely explanations:
- Self-esteem threat. When someone close beats us at something we value, it can sting. Psychologists have long observed that people feel this more with those near them than with strangers or celebrities.
- Gender expectations. Many people grow up with the idea that men should be the stronger, smarter or higher-earning partner. Losing to a woman in a "male" domain can clash with that script, even for men who reject it in principle.
- Comparison in the moment. In a live meeting, the test result is fresh. Over time, in a real relationship, other qualities like humour, kindness and shared interests may matter far more.
None of this means men are uniquely fragile. Women can also feel uneasy when compared with others. The study simply focused on men's attraction to women, and the results showed how ideals can crack under a very specific kind of pressure.
What the study does not show
It is easy to turn a headline like this into "men hate smart women". The research does not support that.
- The participants were young adults, many of them university students, so the results may not reflect older people or long-term couples.
- Intelligence was represented by one test score in an artificial setting. Real intelligence is broader, and real partners get to know each other over months, not minutes.
- The findings describe average tendencies across groups. Plenty of individual men in the studies did not react this way, and plenty of men happily date and marry women who outshine them.
- Lab measures like seating distance and attraction ratings are useful clues, not predictions of whether a relationship will work.
The researchers themselves suggested the distance effect might apply to other relationships too, such as friends or colleagues, but said this needed further research.
Practical takeaways
For anyone thinking about their own relationships, a few ideas follow from this work:
- Notice the gap between ideals and reactions. Saying you want a strong partner and feeling at ease with one are different skills. Being aware of a flash of envy is the first step to not acting on it.
- Value what each person brings. Couples tend to do well when they see each other's strengths as shared assets rather than a scoreboard.
- Talk about it. If one partner is outperforming the other in a career or study, an honest conversation about how that feels prevents quiet resentment.
- Do not hide your abilities. Shrinking yourself to protect someone else's ego is a poor foundation. A partner worth having can learn to be proud of you.
Why this research still gets attention
Women now earn more university degrees than men in many countries, and more couples include a woman with higher education or income than her partner. Studies like Park's help explain why that shift can feel bumpy for some people even when everyone agrees with equality in principle.
The encouraging part is that the effect lives in the moment and in the expectations people carry, not in some fixed rule of attraction. Expectations can change, and many couples show every day that being with someone smarter than you can be one of the best parts of a relationship.
Sources: University at Buffalo news release: Long distance love affair (October 2015); Park, Young and Eastwick, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2015
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