When life gets rough, the most useful things to remember are often the simplest: hard periods do end, you have more influence over your response than over events, small actions beat big resolutions, and asking for help is a strength, not a failure. Psychologists call the ability to adapt to adversity resilience, and the American Psychological Association stresses that it is not a fixed trait. It is a set of habits, thoughts and connections that anyone can build.
The thirteen reminders below are drawn from a popular list that has circulated online for years. We have kept its spirit, checked the quotes and claims that turned out to be shaky, and added what research and experience suggest actually helps.
Accepting what you cannot change
1. Reality is the starting point
Much of our distress comes not only from a painful event but from arguing with the fact that it happened. A line often shared as a saying of the Buddha claims that resistance to "what is" causes suffering. The exact wording is modern and does not come from early Buddhist texts, but the idea echoes the Buddhist teaching that clinging and aversion deepen suffering. The practical version is simple: if you can change something, act; if you cannot, accepting it frees energy for what comes next.
2. How you frame a problem matters
Two people can face the same setback and experience it very differently. One sees a disaster; the other sees a hard lesson. Psychologists call this reappraisal, and it is one of the better-studied ways to manage emotions. It does not mean pretending something painful is fine. It means asking, "What else could this mean? What can I learn here?"
3. Change usually starts close to home
We often hope that a new job, city or partner will fix how we feel. Sometimes circumstances genuinely need to change. But habits of thought tend to travel with us, so working on our own reactions, routines and boundaries is usually part of the solution, alongside any outside changes.
Learning from setbacks
4. Failure is information
Almost everyone who has built something worthwhile has had many attempts go wrong. Thomas Edison is famously credited with saying he had not failed but found thousands of ways that did not work. Quote Investigator traces the earliest version to a 1910 biography, in which Edison tells a colleague: "I know several thousand things that won't work." The popular "10,000 ways" wording came decades later. Either way, the lesson holds: treat a setback as data for your next try.
5. A closed door is not always the end of the story
Looking back, many people can point to a rejection that turned out well: the job that would have kept them away from family, or the relationship that ended before it did more harm. That is worth remembering. It is also fair to admit that not every loss has a hidden benefit. Some things are simply sad, and it is enough to grieve them and keep going.
6. Fear can be a teacher
Public speaking regularly appears near the top of surveys of common fears. The author of the original list, a college professor, described being terrified of it as a student and later teaching it for a living. That story shows how fear shrinks with practice. Fear is not an illusion, though: it is a real signal, sometimes a useful one. The goal is to understand it, not to shame yourself for feeling it.
Living in the present
7. This moment will not come again
Even ordinary or tiring days can contain things we will later miss: a child's small voice, a shared meal, a quiet walk. Trace Adkins's 2008 country hit "You're Gonna Miss This" is built around exactly that thought. Noticing such moments is a core part of mindfulness, which research links to reduced stress for many people.
8. Loosen your grip on outcomes
Wanting things is human. Trouble starts when our mood depends entirely on getting them. Buddhist teachers describe this as attachment; Stoic philosophers advised focusing on what is within our control. Holding goals firmly but outcomes loosely lets you work hard without being crushed if things go another way.
9. Give yourself permission to feel joy
During hard stretches, some people feel guilty for laughing or resting. Others become so used to crisis that calm feels strange. Small pleasures such as music, sunlight, a good conversation or a favourite meal are not frivolous. They refill the reserves you need to cope.
Perspective and responsibility
10. Comparison is a poor guide
Measuring yourself against people who seem to have more rarely helps. The original list suggested comparing downward instead, and it is true that perspective can soften self-pity. Its figure needs correcting, though. It claimed most people live on less than $750 a year; according to the World Bank, roughly 830 million people, around one in ten, live in extreme poverty, below $3 a day. That is a huge number, but not most of humanity. The kinder approach is to compare yourself with your own past self, and to let gratitude rather than ranking guide you.
11. You have more agency than you think
Feeling powerless can keep people stuck. Taking responsibility for your choices, words and next steps is empowering. At the same time, it is wrong to say that nothing is ever done to you. Illness, abuse, discrimination and accidents are real, and people affected by them are not to blame. Responsibility means focusing on your response, not accepting fault for everything that happens.
12. Things can and do change
"This too shall pass" is one of the oldest comforts there is. It goes back to medieval Persian Sufi poets such as Attar of Nishapur, who told of a king given a ring inscribed with the phrase so that it would humble him in good times and console him in bad. Abraham Lincoln retold the story in 1859. When you feel stuck, remember that feelings and circumstances shift, especially when you take even one small action.
13. Hope is reasonable
Unexpected good things do happen: a new friendship, an opportunity, a recovery. Hope helps people keep trying. The original list went further, citing people who had "naturally" healed advanced cancer. Claims like that should be treated with great caution; anyone facing a serious illness should rely on their medical team and talk to a doctor before trying alternatives. Hope works best alongside effort and good care, not instead of them.
What helps, according to psychologists
The APA's guidance on building resilience groups helpful habits into four areas:
- Connection: lean on people you trust, accept help, and consider community, faith or volunteer groups.
- Wellness: protect sleep, food, water and movement, and avoid using alcohol or drugs to numb pain.
- Purpose: set small, realistic goals and take practical steps on the parts of a problem you can influence.
- Healthy thinking: question catastrophic predictions, accept what you cannot control, and remember what got you through past hard times.
A simple exercise brings these together. Write down what is difficult right now. Then circle one practical thing that is within reach today: sending a message to a friend, making a phone call, postponing a demand that can wait, or getting outside for twenty minutes. One step is enough to start.
When to reach out for more support
Positive reminders can offer company in a hard season, but struggling is not proof that you failed to think positively enough. If you feel unable to function as you normally would, if low mood or anxiety lasts for weeks, or if you feel stuck despite trying, talk to a doctor or a licensed mental health professional. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, contact local emergency services or a crisis line in your country straight away.
Rough periods are part of every life. Most people come through them, often with new strengths they did not know they had. Be patient with yourself while you do.
Sources: American Psychological Association: Building your resilience; Quote Investigator: Edison and "results"; Wikipedia: This too shall pass; World Bank: Poverty overview. Based on an earlier list published by Lifehack.
More from the archive:
- 5 Mind Hacks to Better Manage Your Attitude
- 13 Signs You’re Wasting Life But You Can’t Admit It
- 13 Habits Discussed in Mental-Strength Advice
- 15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do
- 15 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself
- 21 Habits of Happy People
- Ten Choices You Will Regret in 10 Years
- 10 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science
- 10 Things You Can Do Every Day To Benefit Your Brain
- A Quote Gallery: From an Agreeable Line to a Useful Conversation
- Top 10 Inspirational Quotes Worthy of Your Refrigerator
- The Three Filters: A Story Attributed to Socrates
- It will take just 1 minute to read this and change your thinking.
- A Reflection on Choices, Consequences and Comparison
What if I have arthritis in my spine that causes excruciating pain when I do something as simple as I turn my head or breath? "...suffering only occurs when we resist how things are..."? Maybe for you - I wish my troubles were that simple. I stopped reading at "1". This stuff is drivel... the modern equivalent of those corny motivational posters coaches used to hang in locker rooms (maybe they still do). I wish you and everyone who writes this stuff would just stop - it belittles real suffering. What a waste of time!
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