The Difference Between Criticism And Feedback: How To Not Ruin Your Relationship

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The Difference Between Criticism And Feedback: How To Not Ruin Your Relationship

Oscar Wilde once said that “criticism is the only reliable form of autobiography." That's because it tells you more about the personality of the critic than that of the people he or she criticizes. Astute professionals can formulate a feasible diagnostic hypothesis merely from hearing somebody's criticisms.


Criticism is destructive to relationships when it is:


  1. About personality or character, instead of behavior
  2. Filled with blame
  3. Not focused on improvement
  4. Based on merely one “right way” to do things
  5. Belittling.

On the other hand, criticism works only in the following cases:


  1. When you truly want to help the other person to change a behavior
  2. When you care about the other person and talk to them in a nice way
  3. When you focus on the positive side of how somebody could improve
  4. When you don't belittle your partner/friend, but you recognize that everyone makes mistakes
  5. In other words, when it is constructive

In close relationships, criticism usually starts out with a low key and escalates over time, leading to a downward spiral of resentment. The criticized person often feels controlled. This frustrates the critical partner, who then tends to step up the criticism, increasing the other person's sense of being controlled, and so it goes.


Criticism often fails because it embodies two things that human beings seem to dislike the most:


  1. It calls for submission, and we all hate to submit.
  2. It devalues, and we all hate to feel devalued.

However, although people hate to submit, they love to cooperate. Critical people seem oblivious to that crucial point about human nature: The valued self-cooperates while the devalued self-resists. Therefore, if you want behavior change from your partner, kid, relative, or friend, then you first need to show value for that person. Unless you want resistance, don't criticize.


So, if you want to help your partner quit a bad habit or improve themselves, you need to understand how constructive criticism works and avoid sounding as if you're always right and they're always wrong. You need to learn to talk to them nicely, explaining what bothers you and why.


That's called feedback and here's how to give it:


  1. Focus on how to improve.
  2. Focus on the behavior you'd like to see, rather than the personality of your partner or kid.
  3. Encourage change, instead of undermining confidence.
  4. Sincerely offer help.
  5. Respect his or her autonomy.
  6. Resist the urge to punish your partner/kid or withdraw affection if they don’t do what you want.

Finally, you need to realize that just because something bothers you doesn't mean that it's totally the other person's fault. It might just mean that you're different people with different needs.

COMMENTS

BLOGGER: 8

  1. Dr Jack, Here is my testimony from a Heart Warming indebted Client (Joy Ofeimu from United states)

    I will try to make this short as possible. In July I found out that my husband of almost 17yrs was having an affair and he actually brought this woman to my home. I was devastated to say the least. I met my husband 18yrs ago and he swept me off my feet and we got married 11 months after we met. We had a great marriage (I thought) we have two beautiful boys. In 2015 we moved 800 miles away to a very small town due to his job. I quit my high paying job at a company that I had worked at for 14yrs to move away from my family and job/career to be a stay at home mom. Then here we are 2 and 1/2 years later going through a divorce and no job. I felt schizophrenic going through all of these emotions from acceptance, to denial, to how can this be and back again. I tried all the best effort i could to get him back from this woman whom he was having an affair with, and make him see how much i love to be with him. but he insisted he never wanted to be with me anymore. Its was almost 4 months since he started living with this other woman, then i decided to use Dr. Jack spells for help because i had no other choice and i felt everything was lost to me. I had the most wonderful and happy marriage after using his spell in just 48 hours, and that was how my marital life was fixed back to its right track. If you are one of the people who is in a loveless and unhappy marriage that cannot be salvaged (and you can only determine that by being very honest with yourself), believe me...there is light at the end of this tunnel. Here is his Email:

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  2. Dr Jack, Here is my testimony from a Heart Warming indebted Client (Joy Ofeimu from United states)

    I will try to make this short as possible. In July I found out that my husband of almost 17yrs was having an affair and he actually brought this woman to my home. I was devastated to say the least. I met my husband 18yrs ago and he swept me off my feet and we got married 11 months after we met. We had a great marriage (I thought) we have two beautiful boys. In 2015 we moved 800 miles away to a very small town due to his job. I quit my high paying job at a company that I had worked at for 14yrs to move away from my family and job/career to be a stay at home mom. Then here we are 2 and 1/2 years later going through a divorce and no job. I felt schizophrenic going through all of these emotions from acceptance, to denial, to how can this be and back again. I tried all the best effort i could to get him back from this woman whom he was having an affair with, and make him see how much i love to be with him. but he insisted he never wanted to be with me anymore. Its was almost 4 months since he started living with this other woman, then i decided to use Dr. Jack spells for help because i had no other choice and i felt everything was lost to me. I had the most wonderful and happy marriage after using his spell in just 48 hours, and that was how my marital life was fixed back to its right track. If you are one of the people who is in a loveless and unhappy marriage that cannot be salvaged (and you can only determine that by being very honest with yourself), believe me...there is light at the end of this tunnel. Here is his Email:

    Okakagbespelltemple@yahoo.com or Okakagbespelltemple@gmail.com

    Call him +2348138289852

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  3. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm from United States of America , I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line. i will never forget the help Dr Iyaryi render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the Dr Iyaryi help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email driayaryi2012@hotmail.com of Dr Iyaryi i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 12 hours he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to Dr Iyaryi anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Dr Iyaryi a try to work fast for you to get your husband back or Ex, I know he will do his best for you. contact him via email. driayaryi2012@hotmail.com And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2349057915709 Thanks Dr. Iyaryi

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  5. The problem is that I have been focusing on the negative part of marriage, not speaking to anyone about my failed marriage and pretending everything is okay by putting up fake smiles. My husband transformed into a beast, cheater and abuser. It was unbearable to see a man who once vowed to shield us as family transfer aggression to me and the kids, pushing us hard to the wall.
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  7. Agree. It's important to understand the difference between the two, and even more important is to communicate your message clearly, so that person understands that your aim is to give a feedback and not to criticise. See also this post.

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  8. Sometimes,Life can be very unfair especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart. That was my experience late last year. but thank god today i am happy with her again. all thanks goes to Priest Babaka, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how Priest Babaka could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com Or Facebook at priest.babaka and he cast the love spell for me and my lover return . Any problem you are facing now, contact him, he will make your dreams come true. words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live

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Thinking Humanity: The Difference Between Criticism And Feedback: How To Not Ruin Your Relationship
The Difference Between Criticism And Feedback: How To Not Ruin Your Relationship
Oscar Wilde once said that “criticism is the only reliable form of autobiography."
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