The True Reason We Are Attracted To Others, According To Science

The True Reason We Are Attracted To Others, According To Science

You see a woman or man in a crowded room, and it feels like a vortex of uncontrollable energy is trying to pull you toward them. You have met your “soul mate, ” and you can feel it viscerally – your guts, your loins, your brain all explode with cupid’s phenylethylamine-tipped arrows, while they graze your skin. You believe that this feeling of “love” is so true, and so pure that nothing can match it, and while you're partly correct, there is much more to the topic of human attraction.

According to the research of Jung, Freud, and several other psychologists, we choose our partners based on the composite image of our primary caretakers when we were kids. These were the people who we relied upon for everything. We were totally dependent upon them, and in their human frailty and ignorance, they probably made some mistakes in raising us. Maybe they had been distant, controlling, shaming, or even cruel. In other situations, we might have had loving, kind, patient, and supportive caretakers. We might also have experienced a combination of these characteristics from the womb until we were about three to five years old. That's when our concept of the world and love was formed.

The visceral attraction we feel to another person romantically when we are adults is just a subconscious desire to heal any wounds which our primary caretakers inflicted. Consciously people want euphoria and all those things that come with idealized romantic love.

Nevertheless, subconsciously, there are deeper needs which are shouting for attention, as they play out through an “imago match.” The imago is the subconscious mind that behaves very much like the kid which was present when it was formed.

The subconscious mind is acting on its feelings and desires, and little more. It ignores all reasoning. It wants what it wants, despite social norms, politeness, compassion, and other significant developments in the human psyche to the wind. It's acting like a bio-computer storing all our memories, including things that happened to us when we were so small, they might not register in our conscious memory. Certain beliefs we have about ourselves, which don’t seem to make sense, are usually formed in the subconscious based on those very early memories.

The First Stage of Love: The Chemistry Experiment

The True Reason We Are Attracted To Others, According To Science

The first stage of love is full of passion, euphoria, and lust. Image: “Passion” Oil Painting by Leonid Afremov

During the first stages of love, we tend to feel like the “golden child” in our families, even unless we were treated that way when we were kids. Norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine, and several other neurochemicals turn our bodies into a real chemistry-experiment, as we're flooded with substances which make our palms sweat, butterflies dance in our stomachs, while our hearts race. The “high” we feel is necessary for us to enjoin with somebody who can help us heal the deepest wounds we carry from our past, and our subconscious mind knows exactly who that is.

When the love begins to feel mundane and tiresome, we have normally entered the second phase of romantic love, which now becomes the “struggle.” It is critical to understand that this stage is not meant to last. If you are with somebody who belittles you, ignores you, withholds affection, or doesn't truly love you, then remember there’s always another bus coming. It’s time to move on. For whatever reason, they're not the person who is going help you to complete the healing you need to have a fully functioning, romantic love.

The Second Stage of Love: The Power Struggle

Instead of a feeling of excitement and euphoria, in the second stage of love, we are likely to feel unwanted and unloved, as we consciously realize our partner doesn't fulfill all our emotional needs. Ultimately, we learn how to get these needs met more compassionately, but in this stage, we tend to feel abandoned, while excuses have become the norm. Partners blame each other, while frustration takes the place of elation and bliss. Both partners repeat the emotional patterns of their childhoods which lead them to low-level anxiety and pain.

It's important to realize that this stage will also end. Many relationships don’t make it through this stage, as they fail to understand its significance and necessity. It's here that our Higher Selves will either end the relationship or have a relationship breakthrough.

The Third Stage: True Love

The True Reason We Are Attracted To Others, According To Science

The 3rd stage of love resembles compassion.

When we are finally exhausted from the struggles between our wounded inner selves and another person’s wounded inner self, we might choose to “give up.” We might also decide to take the relationship to another, more conscious level. Conscious love isn't based on crazy chemistry or constant fighting. There's no emotional abandonment or push-pull of trying to convince somebody else to give us what we need to feel adored.

Instead, we begin to grow. We stretch into improved ways of expressing our needs, our desires, and our feelings of abandonment or rejection.

Both parties start to see how they create behaviors by their own actions in the partnership. They are now more open to giving love in the ways they need to receive it. They've stopped using force, manipulation, or withdrawal.

We begin to drop the defenses we've developed as survival techniques when we were wounded kids, and begin to open to true intimacy.


Reference: The Mind Unleashed

The True Reason We Are Attracted To Others, According To Science The True Reason We Are Attracted To Others, According To Science Reviewed by Κατερίνα Παπ on 5:16 AM Rating: 5


    I'm so excited. I cant believe it! My ex-boyfriend is back after our break-up, I’m extremely happy that we are living together again.. My boyfriend of 4 years cheated and acted as if it was my fault. We broke up but I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him!. my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my bf.. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Unity can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try...
    I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a URGENT LOVE-SPELL for me. 11hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again..
    All thanks to Dr Unity. If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity now and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact. Email him at: [email protected] ,
    you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 , you can also visit his website: ,
    Sheila Patrick ,
    from California USA ,
    God bless you Dr Unity.

  2. great post. their are many other reason also. but the basic theme is same.
    War Wings online
    Flip Master online
    Happy Room 2 online

    This is real take it serious, who will believe that a herb can cure herpes, i never believe that this will work, i have spend a lot getting drugs from the hospital to keep me healthy, it got to a time that i was waiting for is death to come because i was broke, one day i hard about this great man called Dr JOHN who is well know for Herpes, HIV, and Cancer cure, i decided to email him I didn't believe him that much, I just wanted to give him a try, he replied my mail and Needed some Information about me, then I sent them to him, he prepared a herbal medicine (CURE) and sent it through Online Courier Service for delivery, he gave my details to the Courier Office. they told me that 3-5 days I will receive the package and after receiving it, i took the medicine as prescribed by him at the end of the one week, he told me to go to the hospital for a check up, and i went, surprisingly after the test the doctor confirm me Herpes simplex virus negative, i thought it was a joke, i went to other hospital and was also negative, thank you for saving my life, I promise I will always testify of your good works. if you are herpes simplex virus patient, OR you are be helping by someone before i will like to advice you to give this man a try and see what will happen to your life don't worry about the money you have be use contact him and I am sure you will get cured, contact him via: Email: [email protected] 0R (
    call his number on +2347064365391
    I can’t stop talking about this man called Dr JOHN cause he is a God sent to cure humans from different DISEASES with herbal medications, he cured me of GENITAL HERPES, he will also help you. Contact him today and you will have a testimony…Good luck!

  4. Thanks a lot for the post. It has helped me get some nice ideas. I hope I will see some really good result soon.
    Henry Stickman
    Friv Games


Don't show again. Close

Like us on Facebook?