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Friday, March 4, 2016

If You Have To Force It, Leave It Alone: Not Everyone You Lose Is A Loss

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If You Have To Force It, Leave It Alone: Not Everyone You Lose Is A Loss

When something is broken, fix it. That’s what we’re always told, isn’t it?

But, what if that isn’t the answer? What if it’s better to cut our losses in search of something better and more rewarding?

Letting people go is a hard life hack to master, purely because we’re a society of clingers. We try so desperately to hold on to things even when they’ve served us beyond their purpose.

Losing people is a natural part of growing up, but when we’re encompassed in a society that is constantly changing, we’re led to believe that everyone we lose is a loss.

Society brainwashes us into thinking that nothing positive can amount from losing someone who meant everything to us. Every friendship and relationship is a learning curve, so instead of mourning the people who aren’t present, we should celebrate filtering people out who no longer serve as support.

Loss can be one of the most painful feelings to endure but over time, the pain lessens and our eyes are opened to the fact that we don’t actually need that person anymore.

It might not seem like it at the time, but good things end so great things can happen.

We, as individuals, have the mental capacity to judge who has a positive impact on our lives, meaning someone can only be defined as a loss if we choose to define them as one.

Regardless of the circumstances, everything happens for a reason. Even though it might not seem like it at the time, there’s an explanation as to why that person isn’t in our lives anymore.

It might bring sadness, heartache and regret, but each loss takes us on a journey which makes us stronger.

Picking up the pieces, planting a smile on our faces and finding comfort in the fact that things will get better is the first step toward learning to be truly happy on our own. Because, what’s the point in wasting our time and energy on people who remain standstill?

If someone enriches our experiences and shapes our memories, they might be worthy of our time. And if not? So be it. We need to stop trying to force things because we’re scared to be without someone. We need to stop clinging on to things just because we don’t remember ourselves without them.

And we need to stop worrying, and believe that things will be okay in the end. If things aren’t okay, it’s not the end.

If someone doesn’t treat us how we deserve, we shouldn’t accept their behavior just because it’s what we think we deserve. We don’t have to settle.

People have an unhealthy habit of hurting the ones closest to them, but we can choose not to fall victim to that. We don’t have to deal with being in a constant state of angst or worry because we should never discredit our instincts.

Our bodies pick up vibrations, and if something deep inside us says something isn’t right about a situation or a person, we need to trust it. Acting on gut feeling and intuition instead of emotion and persuasion is the best way to decide who can stay and who needs to go.

While it’s hard to accept that not everyone who enters our life is meant to stay, we as human beings are built to encounter new people. We’re designed to explore, discover and grow, and not be held back by people who don’t have the same capacity as us.

So when we feel like we’re falling apart, we need to remind ourselves how that person made us feel. Not when we were naively content, but when we were achingly sad and bitterly confused.

Life is too short to be anything but happy, so we need to learn to surround ourselves with people who matter. We either grow with, or grow apart from people, and if it doesn’t feel right, it might be best to let it go.

People will become strangers and distant memories, but we don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from our lives.

Nobody has the right to infect us with negativity and doubt. There will come a point in life when we’ll get tired of having to prove ourselves and we’ll get bored of trying to fix things.

It’s not giving up; it’s realizing we deserve more. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with putting ourselves first for once, and the sooner we do that, the better.

Because, after all, our broken moments don’t define us. It’s how we deal with them that does.

By: Nicole Cottrell

Source: Elite Daily via Idealist Revolution

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  1. "What if it’s better to cut our losses in search of something better and more rewarding?"

    This is exactly the type of worldview that does more harm than it helps. As Keanu Reeves said: "I don't want to be part of a world where people forgot about love, they're just looking for the best partner." - and this teaches people to be exactly like that - just throw things away the moment they sense something is broken.

    It doesn't go deeper, analysing why some people react sometimes instead of responding. Completely eliminates the aspect of empathy, which most people lack of course and that is crucial. Often people treat other people bad because they suffer deep within themselves and they need help, not punishment, or abandonment straight away. Compassion is the answer.

    If you follow what is written here to the letter you can forget you'll ever have anything stable. Love is something different. You have to work on it and work for it. You can't just expect you meet your perfect match. We're flawed by nature.

    1. And also "So when we feel like we’re falling apart, we need to remind ourselves how that person made us feel." - literally tells us to look for the worst in people, not the good. As if there was only the bad. I may be old fashioned in this, but I will stand by the opinion to not overlook the bad, but look for the good in people. If you're gonna look for the bad in people, or remind yourself only of the bad, regardless for what reason, you're the real negativist.


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